Dealing With Loss

At some point in our lives, all of us will have to deal with loss. Depending on the circumstances, the grief we experience can be so heavy we wonder if we can bear it another second. For obvious reasons, the holidays can be particularly difficult, but for believers, we are not without hope or help.



While there are no quick fixes, no pat or easy answers, there are things you can do to help yourself recover. Don't expect overnight results. All you can do at this point is grab hold of God's hand and take one wobbly step at a time. Grief isn't usually one of those life storms you can go around. For the most part the only way out is to muddle through it. I pray these thoughts will help.



Recognize the enemy's strategy.

As believers, we're in a battle. Military experts tell us that part of winning a war is to understand the enemy's tactics. The enemy of our souls, Satan, wants to keep us mired in grief and depression, because in that wretched place we shut down, and our life mission of being salt and light to the world is hampered. Satan is the father of lies (Jn. 8:44), and his goal is to kill, steal, and destroy (Jn. 10:10). But our great God doesn't leave us to fight for ourselves (Ex. 14:14). The battle is the Lord's (2 Chron. 20:15).



Assure yourself of God's presence.

One of the greatest promises we believers have is God's promise to always be with us (Matt. 28:20), especially when we're hurting. God loves us more than our limited human minds can comprehend. He is grieved when we grieve. He hurts when we hurt. Run to Him, pour out your heart to Him, cast the burden of your grief on Him (Ps. 55:22; 1 Pet. 5:7).



When we are physically ill or wounded, we go to the doctor for the right medicine to make us well. Our spirits get wounded, too, and the way to get better is to spend as much time as possible with the Great Physician, the One who created us (Ps. 139:13) and knows us better than we know ourselves. He is not surprised by our circumstances, because He knows all of our days before any of them come to be (Ps. 139:16). He is a good God and has a good plan for each of our lives (Jer. 29:11). He doesn't waste a single hurt we endure, but can make all things work together in our lives, not for bad, but for good (Rom. 8:28).



Use the Truth to counteract Satan's lies.

Satan's lies are poison. If we are bitten by a poisonous snake, doctors will immediately apply the antidote. Don't allow Satan's lies to keep you down. Anytime he whispers hurt to your heart apply the antidote—God's Word of Truth.



Find scriptures that counteract his lies. Write them on paper or note-cards and carry them with you. Here are a few that might help:



The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. ~Ex. 14:14



Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. ~2 Chronicles 20:15



Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. ~Joshua 1:9



Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you. ~1 Peter 5:7



"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11



And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. ~Romans 8:28



If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all—how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things? ~Romans 8:31b-32



It is the LORD who goes before you; He will march with you; He will not fail you or let you go or forsake you; fear not, neither become broken in spirit (depressed, dismayed, and unnerved with alarm). ~Deut. 31:8



Be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. ~Ephesians 6:10



In peace I will both lie down and sleep, for You, Lord, alone make me dwell in safety and confident trust. ~Psalm 4:8



Cause me to hear Your loving-kindness in the morning, for on You do I lean and in You do I trust. Cause me to know the way wherein I should walk, for I lift up my inner self to You. ~Psalm 143:8



Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God. And God's peace which transcends all understanding shall garrison (build a fort around) and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Phil. 4:6-7



"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest." ~Matt. 11:28



Trust in (lean on) the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. ~Prov. 3:5-6



These things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient. They will not be overdue a single day! ~Hab. 2:3



I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me . . . . And my God will liberally supply your every need according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. ~Phil. 4:13, 19



Any My people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places. ~Is. 32:18



Let be and be still, and know that I am God. ~Ps. 46:10



Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in good time for every need (coming just when we need it). ~Heb. 4:16



"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you, and through the rivers they will not overwhelm you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned or scorched, nor will the flam kindle upon you . . . because you are precious in My sight and honored, and because I love you . . . Fear not, for I am with you . . ." ~Is. 43:1-2, 4-5



As for me, I am poor and needy, yet the Lord takes thought and plans for me. You are my help and my Deliverer. O my God, do not tarry! ~Ps. 40:17



You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. So trust in the Lord forever; for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock. ~Is. 26:3-4



"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ~Jn. 16:33 

Be honest with yourself, others and God in your grief and depression.

I've heard people express that as Christians we shouldn't grieve, based on 1 Thessalonians 4:13. I think this is a lie straight from Satan himself. The verse doesn't say that at all! Instead, it says we shouldn't grieve like the rest of the world, who have no hope. It says nothing about pretending that we're not grieving. Our Lord and Savior Jesus grieved—for Jerusalem, for his friend, Lazarus, and in the garden of Gethsemane. If He grieved, would He deny us the same means of expressing our wounded hearts? It's normal to hurt, and it's necessary to grieve.



God called King David "a man after God's own heart," and he grieved on numerous occasions, pouring out his grief in the Psalms. Here are some psalms that are especially helpful for battling depression. Try reading them out loud: 6, 13, 18, 23, 25, 27, 31, 32, 34, 37, 38, 39, 40, 42, 43, 46, 51, 55, 57, 62, 63, 69, 71, 73, 77, 84, 86, 90, 94, 95, 103, 104, 107, 110, 116, 118, 121, 123, 124, 130, 138, 139, 141, 142, 143, 146, and 147.



A few other suggestions:

Don't isolate yourself. Get out and try to do something, even if you don't feel like it. Satan loves to separate us from the rest of the flock. He loves to strike when we're wounded and alone.
Don't give in to self-pity and the belief that no one else has felt what you're feeling now. Sometimes it helps just to realize that others have gone through the same or worse. It might help to find ways to reach out to others, in order to take the focus off of self.
Don't give into negativity. Try to think about things that are good and right (Phil. 4:8).
Be patient with yourself. You will face many "firsts" in the year after a big loss. Realize that feelings come and feelings go. When you're "feeling" really bad, realize that the bad feeling will pass if given time.
Allow others to minister to you. God may have sent them to you for a reason.
Lord Jesus,



Thank You for always being with us, and for feeling our hurts along with us. Grant those who grieve and mourn Your comfort and peace, especially during this holiday season. Help them remember Your Holy Spirit, our Comforter, who walks along beside us and intercedes for us with groans that words can't express.



In Jesus' Name,

Amen