Why I'm going to let the TSA grope my fat white ass

Sure, it's borderline sexual assault and a violation of the fourth amendment, but bear in mind what your other option is.  The motive behind the "enhanced" pat-downs is IMO less to do with our security and a lot more to do with "encouraging" you to file meekly through the good old naked body scanners.  There are two main reasons why I'm still opting out and letting Bubba the TSA dude grope my junk.

Bubba ain't going to give me cancer.  And the TSA is underreporting your radiation exposure by a factor of ten.  And they don't have a great history of maintaining x-ray machines safely.

Bubba ain't going to take a photo of my junk and leak it onto the internet.