I wanted to become a Freemason so I could become a Shriner so I could wear a fez and drive one of those little cars.

I wanted to become a Freemason so I could become a Shriner so I could wear a fez and drive one of those little cars.:

godfatherofgreenbay:

early-onset-of-night:

Also, to give back. The Shriners paid for all of my medical care when I was born with my heart in backwards. To become a Freemason, one simply needs a penis and a belief in a Supreme Being, which I got, but apparently you have to also be invited and no one ever invited me so I never became a…

I bought an old Freemason Bible at the library across the street from my house.  It cost all of $1.  Now I hold secret rites in my house on the third Monday of every odd numbered month and every second Tuesday of the even months.

Seriously? How come you don’t live here? Haha. Be my friend! God knows I would love to meet a man about my age whose interests include something other than sports or vehicles or pop culture.

My Odd Fellows rituals book only cost me ten bucks and I thought it was well worth it. I’ve since perused more of it and it’s quite neat. The rituals are truly lessons, of a cosmic/philosophical nature. I see the point of them.

Maybe I will start my own secret society: the Conclave of Distinguished Gentlemen. We will be “Codgers” for short. We will perform rituals in our darkened lodge and at other times socialize, drinking without the distractions of televisions or music. Actually talking to one another. Using phones or computers would be banned in the clubhouse, as would cigarette smoking (which is womanly), but not cigar or pipe smoking. Members would be required to have facial of some sort :)

Haha, sounds fun!