You (Don't) Suck: My Review of Suction Cup Dreams: An Octopus Anthology by David Joseph Clarke (Editor)

Suction Cup Dreams: An Octopus Anthology, David Joseph Clarke  (Editor)






Paperback: 168 pages
Publisher: obsolescent.info (November 5, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0985501359
ISBN-13: 978-0985501358
Product Dimensions: 6 x 0.4 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 11 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

The octopus is probably the strangest form of intelligent life on this planet. An octopus is an invertebrate (no backbone) and belongs to the phylum Mollusca (oysters, slugs). When you see a picture of an octopus jetting and slithering its way across the seabed, you're watching a clam with eight legs and an attitude. Octopuses climbed out of their shells millions of years ago and joined cephalopods, other members of the club being Squids, Cuttlefish and the Chambered Nautilus, which is as beautiful as its name suggests.

Octopuses (yes, I know, there are long standing arguments on how you pluralize the noun. This is my choice and I'm sticking with it) are carnivores and cannibals. The anatomy of an octopus is as strange as their appearance. To devour their prey, they possess a beak that looks almost exactly like a parrots. They have eight arms, one of which is dedicated to sex (I'm going to skip describing how this works) that also function as part of their brain. They also taste with these arms. When extra speed is needed to escape attack, they can deploy a built in jet-ski.

Octopuses can squirt clouds of ink when assaulted and some species can shed an arm when necessary, which crawls away and (hopefully) deflects further attack.. They have three hearts (Dr. Who only has two) which pump copper-based blood. They have incredible camouflage capabilities, but paradoxically, many species are believed to be color blind. All octopuses are venomous, and never eat a Blue Octopus, as it's loaded with the same poison as the Puffer Fish. Their life span is short and mating is ultimately deadly to males and females. The Giant Octopus can grow to over 30 feet and weigh over 600 pounds. This animal has been implicated in dozens of fictitious assaults on hearty male divers and bikini-clad maidens in many Sci-Fi/horror movies.

Humans have long suspected octopuses have smarts, and you see this reflected in such Sci-Fi movies as the 1953  War of the Worlds  film, where the Martian invaders, though never clearly seen, are definitely octopidian when glimpsed (and dig those suckers in the movie's penultimate scene). Recent research has confirmed they are indeed very smart. Octopuses can solve mazes and become faster and better at the activity as they practice. They are expert at opening jars, particularly if there's a tasty treat inside. In captivity, an octopus will remember you, makes direct eye contact, and will squirt you with their jet ski if they take a dislike to you. If you're to their fancy, they will warp themselves around you and cuddle. They're also escape artists and not afraid of exploring on land or in nearby tanks, where if they come across a fellow octopus the resultant confrontation may be unfortunate for at least one of the parties.

Suction Cup Dreams: An Octopus Anthology, edited by David Joseph Clarke is a compilation of fascinating stories about these strange, smart, alien creatures. The stories are in the main haunting and memorable. The ones that most struck me were:

Venus of the Waves by Karen Munro. A wife watches while her husband, whose brain has been transplanted out of his dying body and into an octopus, is slowly overwhelmed by the new thoughts and environment in which he now exists.

Three-Hearted by Elizabeth Twist. Told from the POV of the octopus. "Bold" undergoes a strange alterations at the hands of "the seven-armed glass and metal Gods."

A Stranger Returns from an Unexpected Trip to the South China Sea by by Henry W. Urich. James Dougherty was murdered and his body disposed of at sea, but with a little help from his friends, he's back.

A Late Season Snow by T.E. Grau. A murdered woman undergoes a rich and strange transformation.

I can ensure you of one thing. Once you've read this book, you are going to rethink the morality of eating octopus.