Flying The Fear
Sometimes, there is no path, but just a bleak haze on the corner of Reality. What often appears beautiful to one eye might seem chaos to the other. But yet, the rain falls on us all rather than only on the weary travelers of the night, their shoulders bloodied and bruised from carrying the weight of their disease. The sun shines on every smile and every tear, so why does the fear we hide and the pain we shed crumble away in the dusty shadows?
He who digs the grave shall be the one to fall in it���or so I have been told from the start. And what is the start anyway? As far as I can remember, I have always been wandering in this cold valley of grey, piercing confusion. It stabs my mind, shakes my rest. Tell them I have gone in its deepest of depths and only I can bring myself back from it. For it is here and here alone that I feel the unimaginable and conquer the unseen and chase behind shadows that sing and walk on lines of blood and paint my dreams on the high walls and speak the language they never understood and see the pain I hide and all I do, I do in the name of this heart and soul that has yet to learn to evolve. Evolve from its darkness, from a lingering red that has crept up on its surface from so long now.
Every mind hides a secret. But what is hidden to the roots underground is visible to the stars up above. Often I lie there in the sweat of a pain untold, not waiting for it to end, but waiting for the strength to overcome it. And it does come, in the dark of the night, in the silence of my fears; taking me to places I thought did not exist.
Maybe I am too young to hold another heart in these callous hands. Maybe I make more mistakes than there is room for in this life. Maybe I am too tough to feel the soft clouds of innocence as they graze my mind. Maybe I cannot find the answers to all your questions in time. Maybe I drift away too long in my own silence and my own thoughts. Maybe I am less than a shadow you want to see roaming around your halls of glory. Maybe I am not all that the skies wished to look upon. Maybe I will not rise above my ashes to become your dust. Maybe I am too narrow a valley for all your desires to be placed in. Maybe I am lost in a waterfall of deception behind my own blacks and blues. Maybe I cannot lead the way for your dreams and put them to rest in reality. Maybe I am standing too far away from the sound of the dance you wish me to see. Maybe I have conquered way too less than the sentinels of Life want me to. Maybe I am not all I can be. Yet if I am to rise from my ashes, I shall burn to the evergreen flame that you try to put away with a breathe of lies and sin.
All that roams these streets in the hidden night; it shall be found someday by the hands of those who never stopped looking. The world is a cruel place, they say. But what is crueler is that demon sitting in the corner of your mind, in that corner above the palace of your secrets and thoughts and dreams, whispering to you what you are and what you are not, hitting your consciousness with a growing crimson darkness. Don���t you hear it, its cries of misery? It beckons you forward, into the pit of Death, onto the platform of doom. And yet you smile, faking everything from the inside out���all the while the demon inside your mind silently teaches you how to be blind to the specks of beauty present here and there, how to be crueler.
Yes, they are afraid. Afraid to let go a little, to let their guard down. Afraid to throw back the veil from their hearts and reveal its true color for it is so dark by now, they are afraid for the world to see it, afraid it will go black from the darkness of their burnt hearts. Afraid to love. Yet little do they know that despite all the gloom and hurt they hide from, among all that there lies a little diamond with its brightness covered by the grey sheets of the harsh reality of this world; in their struggle to hide away, they ignore the pointed rays of this diamond called Love that spread out every now and then in the deepest seas of pain, above the darkest of skies, behind the tallest of mountains that stand atop lies and misery, in the insides and outsides of all that they think is otherwise impossible. They ignore it all. All they need is to open their eyes and minds and know where to look for that diamond. It may not be forever. But it can survive anything as long as they let it, even if that means a lost moment in the sea of Time.
Letting go of everything you hold back, that is how fear dies. It is a dark shadow which, when you finally set it free, travels on this cloud of white purity and sails above lands of strange and vivid colors; colors that light up our lives even if we realize it or not. To some, they are known as hope. Others call them faith, while still more call it joy or satisfaction or ambition. But no matter what you name them, these colors fill all our dark valleys, all our dreary paths, all our broken and bent up lines. Something that has been ingrained in you as a whole does not just fade away. Neither the screams of your demons nor their cries of silence, neither the needles of doubt that creep up on you every so often nor the ugliness of your mistakes can erase those colors.
And all those colors are nothing but rays emanating from that diamond called Love.
Filed under: Amateur, Human Nature, Life, Optimism Tagged: amateur, fear, human nature
