On Sunday Starbucks ended it’s bizarre, tone deaf, and...

On Sunday Starbucks ended it’s bizarre, tone deaf, and certainly boneheaded “Race Together” campaign after widespread ridicule. Starbucks insists that the campaign, which didn’t even last a whole week, was not ended because of the ridicule. This, of course, is a lie.

The corporate overlords at Starbucks thought it would be a good idea to make its customers uncomfortable by starting up a conversation with them about race while they got their morning joe. Along with writing the hashtag activism-like “Race Together” on coffee cups, strange, Mad-Libs-style “conversation starters” were going to be posted at all Starbucks registers as inspiration to baristas and customers. Here those actual conversation starters are, ranked by me according to awkwardness and how long they’ll hold up the line:

1) In my Facebook stream, ___% are of a different race.
1) In the past year, I have been to the home of someone of a different race ___ times.
1) In the past year, someone of a different race has been in my home ___ times.
1) ___ members of a different race live on my block or apartment building.
1) In the past year, I have eaten a meal with someone of a different race ___ times.
1) I most often talk to someone of another race:
___ At work
___ Church
___ Home
___ Shopping
___ School
1) At work, we have managers of ___ different races.
1) My children have ___ friends of a different race.
1) My parents had ___ friends of a different race.
1) I have ___ friends of a different race.

Imagine waiting to pay too much for your caramel macchiato while the barista and person ahead of you engage in a pissing contest about who has the most “different races” on their Facebook stream. I wonder, would the person with the most “different races” get a discount?

Starbucks hasn’t made any plans for the future as of yet, but you can bet your sweet ass it includes moralizing, pandering, and taking out full page ads in USA Today.