An Open Letter
“It really upsets me when I see you comparing yourself to others and finding yourself in some kind of fault for not being pretty enough. It’s like you see what’s portrayed in the media as the only form of beauty, or that “sexiness” is the only vehicle for this. It’s unfair to homogenize your perception of self, and it is dangerous. You are uniquely beautiful each one of you.
It’s hard to see images of what we are told is beautiful and not believe it. But what the media portrays is a tiny portion of the myriad of beauty “types”. What they don’t show are the freckles that can draw attention to your button nose, or how a carefree smile that unabashedly shows a crooked tooth gives a glimpse to a confident woman. These little features are much more attractive than a beauty mark that everyone paints on the same spot on their faces.
Do not fall for the fallacy that only supermodels are sexy, or that sexy is the only way to be beautiful. The supermodel body type represents such a small part of the available human structure, yet all manner of people have had healthy relationships despite not being a six foot tall blonde with a double D bra size and weighing 90 pounds. Sex sells, and these images focus on the sexualized aspects of these women only. But the size of your boobs and butt are not the only measure of your worth, and it is your sense of self worth that brings out your beauty.
When you think that you have to look like something else to be beautiful, then you start to lose yourself. This leads to constantly questioning how you are perceived, which erodes your confidence. By setting limitations on what is beautiful we put limits on ourselves. We begin to question what it means to be feminine or masculine. These are social constructs and have no bearing on what we can freely enjoy, only what we are told to enjoy. This can lead to depression, or self destructive behaviors. You don’t need to destroy yourself nor construct an image of beauty to fit into.
You are beautiful because you know how to think, laugh, and love. Physical beauty is augmented by these qualities to bring about a fully rounded, confident, mindful individual. And it is the individual that is beautiful, not the glossy magazine covers that forces their models to fit in a boring cookie cutter mold of beauty. Be unique and be yourself, because each one of you is the definition of beauty.”
- Written by J. Haywood, a personal friend of mine, a father to three teenage girls, and my new hero.
