BOOKS ‘n COZY SPOTS BOOK REVIEWS – How to Be a Healthy and Happy Submissive, by Kate Kinsey

 

~3.5 Stars ~
 Review of HOW TO BE A HEALTHY AND HAPPY SUBMISSIVE, by Kate Kinsey.

Purchased on amazon.com

Non-Fiction / Self-Help / BDSM

 

Reviewed by Jaycee ~ for Books ‘N Cozy Spots Book Reviews, www.Talon-ps.com

 

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Beyond Fifty Shades of Grey, there’s an entire kinky world of BDSM, full of real life dominants and submissives enjoying an intimacy and satisfaction in their relationships that vanilla folk only dream of. Whether you want to explore your own submissive fantasies, or you’re just curious about what BDSM is really like, this book will answer all your questions, plus some you didn’t know you had.

Erotic author Kate Kinsey (“Red,” and “The Totally Uncensored Kinky Adventures of Chloe St. Claire, Sex Slave”) brings over a decade of experience as a submissive and kinky educator to this practical step-by-step guide to being a healthy and happy submissive.

Topics covered include: the differences between dominants and masters, submissives and slaves, and tops and bottoms; the different dominant styles; the truth about “training” to be a submissive; how to find like-minded folks in your area; how to negotiate scenes and relationships; what to expect at your first dungeon party; why some people actually enjoy pain; and the warning signs to look out for when talking to potential partners.

“Kinsey has written a no-nonsense guide that thoroughly explains the various kinks and fetishes that come under the umbrella of BDSM. Most importantly, she emphasizes the importance of protecting yourself along the way with knowledge, friends and self-awareness.”

“This is not fiction, but reality. Kate Kinsey has the experience to tell it like it is, not the way some vanilla writer imagines it to be.”

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I have been on the lookout for some time now, for a non-fiction, “here’s what you might want to look for” BDSM primer (for lack of a better word), authored by a submissive.  There is a plethora of books out there written by Dominants, most dealing with recognizing Dominance and how to be a Dominant.   There are even books about a Dominant’s perspective on submission and submissives, but ever the recalcitrant reader with zero inclination to Dominant outlook or tendencies, which was never satisfactory for me.  Even asking from within the lifestyle, most recommended reference material was from a Dominant’s perspective, or at the very least a co-perspective.

 

I didn’t want to know what a Dominant thought a submissive should think, dammit, I wanted to know what a submissive thought, felt and discovered.  I wanted a relatable frame of reference for what was “okay” for a submissive to think and feel and want and do.  Even though, intellectually I already knew the answers, I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth so to speak; to feel it from the submissive’s heart.

 

I got that here.  There were no great revelations, and as I said, I don’t think I really expected any.   But that in itself is a confirmation and a comfort.  Ms. Kinsey is a strong, aware and no-nonsense woman who happens to be firmly comfortable with both her journey and her destination.  Her sometimes humorous accounts and her words-of-wisdom-to-live-and-submit-by were reinforcement.   Yet at the same time she exhibits a sage and understanding look at the interactions of, and with the world around the world in which she lives.  So this book itself, while not revelatory, gave me the inputs I was looking for from an insider who remembers what it was like to be an outsider.  The truth is, many are and will always be outsiders, but the need for even those people to understand if not embrace the lifestyle is, in a way, almost as important today as for those who do seek to enter in.

 

As an observation, it has been surprisingly difficult to ask and get answers, particularly when you aren’t even really sure what the questions are.  Statements such as those in the Amazon blurb above (“This is not fiction, but reality. Kate Kinsey has the experience to tell it like it is, not the way some vanilla writer imagines it to be”  or “enjoying an intimacy and satisfaction in their relationships that vanilla folk only dream of”) are actually barriers to understanding, or more importantly to seeking understanding, at a time when understanding is critical to both those questioning their own orientation and to positively influencing the tide of public opinion for those who are not.   As a reader and reviewer of the aforementioned (I’d say ‘aforemaligned’ but its not a word) romantic fiction, I’d like to come to well-informed conclusions as to the merits of the work I review.  Nothing is less productive or in fact, more offensive, than uninformed opinion.   To imply in commentary that “vanilla folk” are somehow less fulfilled, is to simply apply reverse barriers, and is ineffective in the quest for progress.

 

Fortunately, Ms. Kinsey herself has filled my personal bill and has relatably illustrated how fundamental both her journey as a submissive has been for her, has provided a sage and sane guide to others so inclined, and has imparted what I hope is seen as one of many wonderful tools of enlightenment for those outside who simply need/want to understand, if not adopt.

 

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HOW TO BE A HEALTHY AND HAPPY SUBMISSIVE also received the following ratings:

 

BONUS FACTOR  ~  nicely provided the other-side-of-the-whip perspective on BDSM  for the questioning submissive as well as the everyman/woman out there ~