Writing My Own Love Story (How I Became a Romance Writer, Part 2)

(Just coming into the How I Became a Romance Writer series? You can go back to the beginning here.)

When I started writing seriously, it was on serious topics: decluttering, saving money, learning how to say and get what you want, planning for a big dream. The how-to of it all was not difficult to map out. I was writing about my own experience and using detailed notes, so my biggest challenge was putting it into a format that was most useful for the reader.

A challenge, yes, but not an overwhelming one.

After everything we’d been through in the planning and execution of our big dream, the one thing I still hadn’t talked about in depth was our relationship. The subject seemed too soft, too subjective, not a straightforward A to B to C type of thing.

And holy cow, did our relationship evolve!

We planned for so many changes in our lives, but we were woefully unprepared for the shift in our relationship once we began traveling together. Those first few months were tough, learning to be together all the time, adjusting to a new and ever-changing normal, and relying completely on each other for the first time in our lives.

It was stressful and challenging, not at all like the carefree trip I’d imagined. But there was something else, too: a red-hot bond being forged with every new experience, every single challenge, and all those moments together.

The relationship I thought was pretty good was turning into something stronger, a partnership I couldn’t even wrap my brain around, at least on the days I didn’t want to kill him.

This time in our lives was magical, frustrating, sexy, and raw. I wanted him more than I ever had except when I wanted to throw him off the top of a mountain. He felt the same way about me.

So there we were, two 40-year-olds only recently weaned from a life on the couch, adventuring around the world together. We were older than almost everyone in our hostels in South America, and we barely spoke any Spanish. We were overweight and inexperienced.

But man, were we hot for each other. There is nothing like going after a dream with your partner to make you feel sexy and alive and in love.

How would I share that experience? Would I even want to? I’d been so honest about everything else, including our finances, that it felt weird not to write about this. But every time I thought to start a book about it, I stalled.

It’s a good thing I did, because seasoning is required to make a delicious story. Without time and the perspective it brings, these kinds of books just sound like, “look at us and how awesome we are!” Nobody wants to read that, and if I’d written it then I’d be embarrassed now.

In late 2013, I began writing about the transformation that started the night we made the decision to travel back in 2008. For the first time, I shared what we learned through stories and emotions, completely leaving out the bullet points and checklists.

I learned how to build the tension in the story, to weave the past and present together, and to show through action and dialogue how our relationship grew over time.

When I started writing this book, I had no idea my next book would be a romance, much less the start to a series. But like most things in life, you can’t connect the dots until you look backward.

The way I’ve seen my own relationship develop has made me curious about others. The way I’ve lived these past few years in countries around the world has made me curious about how other people live. And going through it all with this man has made me fall in love with love all over again, realizing the power of a true partnership, even on the darkest days.

Romance for me is all about possibilities. Where can this love take us? What can we achieve together? How do we make each other better?

Asking those questions in my own life has been transformative. But asking those question to my Late Bloomers characters, women that have a different history and set of values from me, now that has been a thrill ride. And I can’t wait to share it with you.

Next up in the How I Became a Romance Writer Series: Put Up or Shut Up. And to whet your appetite, I’ve got a free short story starring the Late Bloomers…New Year’s Eve, New York City, and change is afoot! Sign up for my newsletter and get it asap.