One of Those Days
Everyone has those days, those days that stick out from the others. Days where you would rather be on your own, or days where you want to be surrounded by people. Days where you can’t stop smiling, or can’t stop crying. Days where you feel empty, or full, or empty and full. Just one of those days.
I’m having one of those days.
I just finished "All The Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven, and I wasn’t expecting the story to go the way it did. It kind of brought up things that I haven’t been able to get out over the past week or so. See, I’m terrible at losing people, at goodbyes, at the finality of it all, but strangely, death I am okay with. Death is something I can handle and come to terms with. Maybe because I know there is nothing I can do, maybe because I believe in some form of fate or life path or destiny.
Someone I knew committed suicide thirteen days ago, and I didn’t know him very well, but his best friends are a group of people I love very much, and I felt the weight of his death when I looked into their eyes, or saw their less than sincere smile, or felt the heaviness that came with their hugs. I didn’t know him very well, but his death will affect my life, and it already has. It has made me realize what amazing people I have in my life, and made me aware of what kind of person I want to be, what kind of friend I aspire to be to everyone in my life.
I also lost a friend today, realistically I lost him months ago, but today I saw someone I didn’t recognize when he spoke or looked at me. Everyone moves on, not everyone can stay, and this is a lesson I’m still learning and trying to understand, because I wish everyone could stay.
One of those days for me involved a lot of thinking, heavy but cleansing crying, reflecting, and a bit of emptiness, but not the bad kind of emptiness. Now I have space inside myself, to fill myself with happiness and aspirations and love and as cheesy as all that most definitely sounds, I feel okay.
♫ - Gone by Ian Axel
This is beautiful. ❤️️❤️️❤️️
