I'm the tall girl 2nd from the left. Easter in the early ...

I'm the tall girl 2nd from the left. Easter in the early 90s...After a normal day of first grade I ran out to the school bus once my class was dismissed for the day. I sat next to my best friend and neighbor Melinda like usual. Her dad would pick us up from the bus stop and drive us home. This day, for whatever reason, Melinda was in a bad mood. She turned to me and grabbed my shirt then hit me hard over the head with her lunchbox a few times. I didn't cry because I wasn't hurt physically but on the inside I was destroyed. This was just another display of rejection that I didn't deserve. Kids didn't seem to take a liking to me and I didn't understand why.

My mom always tells stories about how I would cry because kids wouldn't want to be my friend. I was so sweet and friendly. I would just go up to a kid, introduce myself, and ask did they wanna play. More times than not they would turn their nose up at me. "But I just wanna be their friend," I would cry and my mom would just rub my back and tell me it'll be alright. I had plenty of kids in my own family to play with so I was never lonely but still, the fact that outside kids didn't like me made me feel really bad.

Those experiences laid the foundation for the lack of confidence and self-esteem that plague me. I've never felt good enough or that I deserved the good in life. People like me just don't get blessed. We are the factionless (I heart The Hunger Games!). The ones that have to settle for what scraps the rich, pretty, skinny, popular girls leave behind. There's nothing special about me... Opening my eyes to the childhood rejection I've carried burned these lies into my brain. No more!

Coming to this realization has given me the clarity that I need to finally give myself the love and credit that I deserve. I'm not sure what it is that people see in me but I am something special! God has blessed me with a powerful energy that makes the weak uncomfortable. I accept that. Now the challenge is to bury the old part of my life and never use it as an excuse to give up again.

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