Things I need: Cravats & Bolo Ties

for an upcoming wedding. 

I was taking out the garbage the other day and had an epiphany: I am never going to wear a standard tie ever again. A politician tie, I call it. Politicians and other men on tv with podia in front of them wear them. Such men I dislike intensely the vast majority of the time.

I was actually asked, half-jokingly, to perform the marriage (I am, believe it or not, an ordained minister, as per This is Eric. He’s Dead.), but refused as this seems to be a real wedding between largely normal people who love each other. Relatives, even. Well, one of them. Mockery of the holy union and all that.

I just watched a youtube video on how to tie a cravat and got a slight erection, so neat was it. The youtuber then showed how to tie a bowtie and I clicked away. Not a bowtie guy. Too quirky.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m as quirky as they come, but I don’t want to wear it around my neck like some sort of HELLO, I’M QUIRKY sign.

Maybe I’m not quirky. Maybe I’m just weird. I’m too much of an asshole to be quirky, I think.

Speaking of politicians, today is election day around here. Special vote on whether or not to expand our civic center. The arguments in favor: a larger civic center will help our community grow (maybe one day we can even have real slums!). Arguments against: too expensive.

I’m voting to no. I do not want my community to grow. Why do you think I live in South Dakota? Besides, it won’t grow. And it won’t attract any real talent, either. It’s not like we can get a decent rock and roll band here, even with a bigger civic center. And all the country that comes here sucks ass already—generic, modern, pop “Nashville” type country, the kind of country that is actually starting to rap now.

*shivers*

So not “no”, but “fuck no”.

Other than voting, I have no plans for today other than sitting around on the couch with a clear conscience.