An Edible Age

It was that time when animals who eat little animals crawled out of their caves and hunted the weak with a ferocious appetite. Tlv-da-tsi looked up at the circular moon and stuck out her tongue at it. If she could she would pounce on that bright orb and gobble it along with today’s daily dose of raccoons. The damn thing when it decided to shine full power always gave away her position, helping her prey flee, lengthening their lifespan and shortening hers.

She noted with grim approval the moon didn’t stick out its tongue at her. Good, it better behave. Tlv-da-tsi suddenly stopped fooling around. She had heard a twig snap. She stood alert for a few minutes listening. It was a little hare who had decided to nibble some grass before popping off to bed.

Pounce. Before the gobble, the hare pleaded, ‘You are a cougar, you are supposed to eat animals younger than you. I am an ancient hare already past my 6th summer.’ Tlv-da-tsi paused.Yes, she too had heard cougars prey on younger animals. Damn, she had just turned five this February. She retracted her claws (four claws and one dewclaw). The hare ran faster than the moonlight that had begun to stroke the leaves.

Tlv-da-tsi wandered a little more and she came across a porcupine. Though a bit pokey to eat, the flesh when you finally got to it was always yum. Especially if the creature had eaten a stomach full of raspberry canes (Gamy meat tastes better with a splash of sour). She pounced. The porcupine squealed, ‘I am 14 you can’t eat me. Find someone younger.’. Word had gone around on how to avoid getting eaten by a hungry cougar.

The capybara claimed to be a questionable eight years old (though its average lifespan was 4), the mice marmots claimed to be twenty-two (their skin did look terrible), the mule deer said it had just hit twenty and was going through a midlife crisis, even the damn grasshopper declared it was eighteen and could now vote in the jungle elections.

Tlv-da-tsi began to wonder whether it was the youngest animal around. To add to this frustrating age scenario she was starved, so starved she couldn’t remember her age. Just then she saw a grandfather coyote, old and wrinkled he had come to die on a rock.

She looked around. Nobody was looking. Tlv-da-tsi leapt 30 feet, on to the coyote’s back, held the struggling coyote with her sharp claws and bit into his neck. The animal died immediately. Tlv-da-tsi chewed on the ancient meat that had lost its vim and elasticity. She didn’t notice. It was a fantastic, succulent, luscious hunger-pleaser.

Moral: If yummy, age no bar.



Tlv-da-tsi and mister mule deer are drawn by the fabulous Bijoy Venugopal. You can find more of his wonderful stuff here bijoyvenugopal.com