Size Does Matter. Doesn’t It?

Of course he’s happy to see you, you perverts. Look at the size of that … smile.

 

By Alexa Day

The big news in science this week? It’s all about cold, hard facts.

Actually, in this case, we’re probably talking about hot, hard facts.

Thanks to science, we now know that the average erect penis size is a little over five inches long. Average erect girth runs about 4.6 inches. These numbers come from a gathering of about 20 studies, which examined more than 15,000 penises. The author of the study, quoted here in Men’s Journal, says there’s nothing terribly special about the study. “It’s a very simple study,” he said.

Oh, really? Fifteen thousand dicks, finally measured in one place, is no big deal? Maybe this has just been a slow news week. Maybe the weather has people trapped indoors, contemplating the deep questions about whether their bodies are normal. (I tend to think of this as a warm weather question, but hey, your kink is okay.) But whatever the reason, the news has been all over the definitive answer to the question of normal dick size. Sure, I expected to see coverage from GQ and Cosmopolitan and even CNN, but NPR passed along this very thorough story about the study, too. Not that NPR isn’t totally sexalicious. The judgmental trollop who lives in my head is just surprised, that’s all.

I don’t mean to minimize (heyo?) the importance of establishing an average dick size. You don’t have to be an expert to know that lots of men are a little wound up over the question of how big they are, in comparison to other men at large (heyo!) and the rivals they set up in their own minds. I don’t think anyone would be surprised to hear that plenty of men have wondered at one point or another whether they were bigger than Tom Brady or Shane Diesel or that guy at the gym.

My question, though, is not about why science isn’t addressing women’s body image issues in the same way. (I think I know why; I’m just not getting into it.) I’m not even going to ask why science is so involved in solving the great mystery of average dick size.

Here’s my question: Do women care what the average dick size is? Beyond idle curiosity, have we ever really cared what’s average?

When we’re choosing our partners, even the casual ones, we have no way of knowing how big they are. (The study debunks all the myths about the hand-foot-cock correlation.) Once that choice is made, well, we’re not likely to unmake it because of size. I would never tell you that size doesn’t matter — it definitely does — but it doesn’t matter as much as I think guys believe it matters. Technique matters more. Confidence matters more. Personality matters more. All the other little individual preferences we bring to bed matter more.

Even when we’re reading about a new book boyfriend (or even a book one night stand), are we paying lots of attention to how well endowed he is? Maybe I’m just not noticing, but aside from mentioning that he’s big enough, are authors dwelling on how big a man’s cock is any more than we focus on the rest of his body? Who has time to be hung up on size when there are so many other things to fantasize about?

Ultimately, I guess I’m happy to know what the average penis size is, just for the sake of knowing. I’m not sure it changes my day-to-day life all that much, but good for science for handling this weighty issue!

How much does size matter to you, though? You know you can tell all right down there in the comments. It’s for science.

And follow Lady Smut while you’re at it. We’ve got it and we know how to use it.