How I Stopped 02070604512

Over the last month I’ve received over twleve calls from 02070604512 — who are call marketers, purportedly from EE and T-Mobile (who I am signed with for my phone) trying to get me to switch to them for land-line and broadband services as well. At first these calls were once a week, but at the end they were ringing me several times a day. At first I listened politely and explained I didn’t want to switch, but they kept calling. Then I tried ignoring them but they WOULD NOT STOP CALLING. Then I realised that I was being presented with a creative opportunity here and so I decided to have a little fun. The next time 02070604512 called, I gave this a try:

*Phone rings*

Call Marketer: Goo–

Me: Good evening, you’re through to Ross Lawhead. Just to make you aware, this call is being recorded for training and monitoring purposes. Can I take your name please?

Call Marketer: I…

*Line goes dead.*

I’ve worked in a call center before, and I know that these guys are just trying to make the best of what is one of the worst jobs in the world. So the trick with these is not to abuse or make fun of them, but just to throw them off kilter a little. The next day I got two more calls from 02070604512, the first while I was at work, the second just before dinner:

Call Marketer: Hello, I’m calling from EE and T-Mobile for Ross Lawhead, is he available?

Me: That’s me. Would you mind telling me your name?

Call Marketer: My name is Christine.

Me: Hi, Christine. I’m glad you called because I’m very excited to be able to offer you cheaper broadband today. Would you be interested in that?

Christine: …Maybe…?

Me: Can I ask how much you currently pay for your broadband?

Christine: Nothing. It’s free.

Me: Free? Can I have free wifi too?

Christine: Yes… if you come down South Africa.

Me: South Africa? My phone said you were calling from London. So how come your wifi is free?

Christine: I stay with my sister.

Me: So if I come down to South Africa and stay with you and your sister, you’re saying I can use your wifi?

Christine: Sure. Maybe.

Me: But why don’t you let me give you cheap broadband so that you don’t have to borrow from your sister? I have a very exciting deal I can offer you.

Christine: …. [long silence]….

Me: I know you’re still there. I know that you’ve only muted your microphone. Christine…

Christine: Quite honestly I don’t use wifi very much because I work a lot.

Me: Ah. I understand, I work a lot too. I’ll tell you what, I’ll stop trying to offer you cheap broadband over the phone, okay?

Christine: …okay.

Me: Okay, thanks Christine.

Christine: …goodbye.

Me: ‘Bye, Christine.

I wasn’t prepared for how well this stratagem worked. It’s now been six days and I haven’t received any more calls from 02070604512. Which is a shame, because I had a lot more ideas to share with them. For instance, the next time they call, I think they’ll be surprised at how little I’m suddenly paying for broadband — just pence, really! I want to see if I can get them to beat it…

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