Big Business, or Why ask a Rabbi?

Dear Rabbi Brody,

I'm an experienced retailer, and until 3 years ago, enjoyed a six-figure-plus income. Lately, whatever business I try turns sour. My neighbor, an orthodox Jew, suggested that I write you and ask for advice, a blessing, or both. I understand the blessing part, but why ask for your advice? Are you a Wharton MBA? Do you understand about business? What's this middle-ages gunk of running to a rabbi for every little thing? I'm not being a wise guy, I just want to know. Yours, Ralph from Detroit

Dear Ralph,

No, I don't have an MBA from Wharton, but I do understand about business. You see, I'm sort of a broker; I help people invest their lives in those endeavors that pay the best dividends. I also help arrange deals between small businessmen like you and between a major investor who'd be interested in helping you succeed. You see, as an orthodox rabbi, I represent a firm with unlimited capital and vast multinational resources. Therefore, people ask for my advice.

I don't solicit new business, and I certainly won't be upset if you don't seek my assistance, because I'm already up to my eyeballs in an ever-increasing pile of mail, that I try my best to answer the same day. To be honest, I'm not that bright, but the Chairman of the Board of the firm I represent likes my performance, so He almost always fulfills my requests. You see, the Chairman of the Board does whatever He wishes whenever He wishes; it's His power and brains that I depend on, not my own. So, in effect, when you ask me - or any other qualified rabbi who dedicates his life to helping people - a question, you're really getting the answer from the Chairman of the Board. That way, you end up succeeding in whatever you do. So, if your business has had tough times the last couple of years, you won't lose anything by asking a qualified rabbi. People that don't ask questions, and that rely on their own brainpower, often make mistakes, and mistakes carry a big price tag.

By the way,  I can arrange for you to meet the Chairman of the Board at your convenience - you can pick the time and the place. You can even call Him by his nickname - "Hashem". Best wishes for your success, Lazer Brody