Clive James Chats To Doctor Who & Blake’s 7 Stars in This Delightfully Patronising Clip

Philip Bates is a writer at Kasterborous Doctor Who News and Reviews - All the latest Doctor Who news and reviews with our weekly podKast, features and interviews, and a long-running forum.

Asking why Clive James is famous is like asking the meaning of life. No one knows. Clive James has opinions, and that is why he’s notable amongst the 8 billion or so people on this planet.

In this infuriating clip from Clive James On TV, the British-Australian presenter talks to Sophie Aldred (aka Ace), Nicola Bryant (Peri), and Anneke Wills (Polly), and generally patronises the audience with standard “satire” about dodgy costumes, sets, and screaming. But this video is more interesting for its brief chat with John Scott Martin, the reliable Dalek operator from throughout the Classic Era, and who sadly passed away in 2009.

You won’t learn anything from it, but it’s always great to see those beautiful “girl assistants,” and the wonderful Martin as he recalls trundling about on a tricycle – and shout “exterminate”!

There’s also a lovely bit where Clive takes the mick out of visual effects, talking as he does from the heady CGI heights of the early 1990s. I’m all for joking around a bit, but we can probably do a bit better than “ain’t old stuff funny for suffering from various limitations”. Want to know what he thinks of today’s serials? Of The Day of the Doctor, he wrote: “Billie Piper and John Hurt were there too. The show needed its lavish casting. In all other respects it was incomprehensible. But the Beeb had spent so much money that they could be excused for assuming they had scored a triumph.”

To make him less insufferable, I will add that he reckoned Doctor Who Live: The Afterparty was as bad as the rest of us thought it was; his real name is also Vivian Leopold James, which is actually really cool. I wouldn’t have changed it to Clive.

Also in that Day of the Doctor article, we can marvel at selected Telegraph readers. Choice gems include:

“More like Dr Why, as in why does anybody watch this twaddle. The eye-candy makes it bearable in parts, but the rest is strictly for the kind of nerds that go plane-spotting.”

“Clive James, what would we do without your comic observational genius? You even make Dr Who interesting.”

And let’s not forget:

“DW is clunkily scripted, acted and presented. Those who like it need help. Those who love it need a lobotomy.”

Ann Presley, however, proves herself to actually be a sensible human being, saying, “Clive James, you have no grip on reality!! In the States, Doctor Who was featured on the cover of TV Guide to recognize the anniversary. While this isn’t Time, it was everywhere!!! In addition, it was shown to packed theatres and the licensed products are selling like crazy. I think you need to wake up and smell the coffee!! Stop being so patronizing and deal with the real world!”

Elsewhere in the above clip, Clive talks about Blake’s 7, if you’re interested in such things. It’s always nice to see Paul Darrow In Space, even if it’s punctured with inane giggle from feckless audience members. Try to enjoy this video without strangling anyone nearby.

Now, you must excuse me: my lobotomist is on the phone, and once I’ve made my appointment I’m off plane-spotting.

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