The Worldwide Web

If I threw my computer out the window (making sure to disconnect it first), I would still be connected to the Worldwide Web, thanks to that maniacal species called Arachnids, specifically spiders. Their aerial, complex, and omnipresent creations are the true prototype of the internet. The net created by spiders stretches from sea to shining sea, and beyond, I’m sure. There are probably some trans-oceanic webs we haven’t discovered yet. Yes, there are marine spiders.

I do not suffer from Arachnophobia, but I have a bad case of Arachno-bumfuzzlement. How do they do it? I have used every weapon imaginable, barring nuclear bombs, to clear away their webs inside my house, to no avail; they keep coming back. I have used vacuum cleaners, brooms, high-powered water guns, incantations, and every curse word known to man. The ceiling corners are pristine for five days, and then, lo and behold, the webs have returned.

I imagine those spiders in the dead of night, threading their way outward through the coiled,dark labyrinth of the vacuum cleaner hose, crawling under the closet door, and then ascending the nearest wall, chuckling all the way. Then they walk across the ceiling, hop onto the rotating blades of the overhead fan, and launch themselves out from there in all directions, spinning their silver cords from wall to wall.

They are simply remarkable, and science does not know everything about them. Just look up at the sky on a starry, summer night. Have you ever seen the Milky Way, that dim, glowing, diffuse net spread across the sky? Well, now you know: This terrestrial ball wasn’t big enough to hold them; there are Space Spiders, too.