Holding out for a hero | The Fiver

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FIFA, FIGO AND FOIE GRAS

Fifa has only had three presidents since 1961 and – how shall we say this – none of them have been completely perfect. Stanley Rous bent over backwards to accommodate South Africa during the apartheid years. João Havelange was primarily concerned with erecting billboards advertising Heavily Marketed Red Global Concern, a popular multinational brand of fizzy brown drink. And the current incumbent, Sepp Blatter, has stockpiled so much foie gras at Fifa HQ in Zurich that cities as far away as Frankfurt, Munich and Genoa are on constant avalanche alert, in case the parfait peaks of the mountain finally give way, the resulting landslide turning vast swathes of the continent into little more than rich, buttery, gourmet rubble.

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