The Fear…

So I’m back. These past few days I’ve been walking around with a knot in my stomach. Any why, do you ask, is Av all knotted?

Why do you think? Other people are reading my work!

OHMAHGAH. You have no idea. Or maybe you do, after all I do bitch and moan a lot. Okay. So I sent Unmask You to be beta’d. Then I start worrying. It’s what I do. Then I make myself open the original file and look it over and guess what?

It’s a freaking mess and a half. Meaning my poor betas have a fucked up file.

All right. I do the hyper ventilating thing. Okay. I panic. I panic. Then I shut myself off of social media and I get to work fixing it. Rewriting it. I mean I redid shit. I added shit. I deleted shit. I nastied up shit. I was just plain doing shit.

Then I had to hit them up and apologize.

Oye. So after I was satisfied with what I had done, I re-sent. Then sent the corrected file to be proofread. Oh my Lord havis mercy. I don’t know how in the hell I do this shit. It is nerve wracking on a good day, people. So I’m not hearing anything and I’m just sinking down and down into the doubts. Letting it just take me over and eat me up.

I don’t know how it is I’m not an alcoholic yet.

Then boom. Back to back responses.

They love it.

Swear to you. I was in bed alone. Watching some shit on TV. And when I read that email I just covered my eyes and teared up. You guys. You don’t freaking know.

I’m a tough chick. Yep. But I care about this shit right here. And if this was the already published version and it was out there for public consumption then I would’ve been like hey, it is what it is. Because once out there, it’s no longer mine. It’s yours. But right now, it’s mine. My baby. And I want you to like it, damn it.

Love it even.

Okay. I am very much still emotional and I suspect I will be for quite some time yet. But I wanted to share with you this, my weird shit. Be back soon with more news.