What They Don’t Tell You About Dreams. . .
It’s happening.
My book is up for pre-order. I can type “Lindsay Detwiler” into the Amazon search bar my book comes up (Yes, I’ve done it. A thousand times. And felt a bit vain every time . . .but I can’t resist). Select friends and relatives are reading my book. I’m emailing professional reviewers every day, searching for people to critique my work, to discuss Emma and Corbin’s story. I talked to Barnes and Noble about a book signing in the spring.
All of my dreams are coming true.
And yet, even as I’m typing this, I don’t feel like it’s happening at all. I feel like it’s happening to someone else or I’m dreaming it all.
Years ago, when I was in a typing frenzy with this story called Voice of Innocence fighting to get from my mind to the computer screen as fast as my fingers could go, I would pause to daydream. Sitting in reverie, I would think about what it would be like to see my book in print, to see my name on the author line, to see my book on amazon.com. Back then, I didn’t let myself get too carried away, though. I told myself that it would never happen, that it was an untouchable whimsy.
Yet, here I sit, the whimsy now tangible.
It’s not like I’m a NYT Bestseller or my phone is ringing off the hook for interviews. True, I talk about my book almost every day with friends, co-workers, even strangers who recognize me from our local paper. I chat about my book online, post about it on Facebook. I basically live and breathe the book these days.
Nonetheless, there’s something I would have to label as silence floating around. Everything feels calm. If I pinch myself, I feel like I could truly wake up and find that this didn’t all happen. I think I’ve put myself in a protective state of denial, denial that this dream hasn’t really come true.
It sounds crazy. “Aren’t you thrilled?” people ask me every day. And I am . . .thrilled doesn’t even describe it . . .when I let myself feel it.
People talk about the beauty of dreams coming true, but they don’t talk about the shock that sometimes surrounds a dream. They don’t talk about the fact that sometimes your mind doesn’t quite process it.
I’ve reached my dream. My book is going to be read by others. Even if it’s only a few, others will read my book. People will hopefully grow attached to character I dreamed of, feel sorrow over situations I imagined. It’s hard to fathom.
But fathom it I must. I know that I have to own this time, to know that it’s okay to let myself believe it. No matter what happens in the next few weeks, no matter how many people buy my book, no matter how many people love it or hate (hopefully love it) . . .my dream has come true.
And I’m not done yet. I’ve found through this process that I love the thrill of writing. I love the idea that the words flowing from my fingers can impact others. I’ve been exhausted these past few weeks from marketing, editing, spreading the word about my book, and all types of other things that go with publishing a book. Yet, I also find myself energized to keep writing. I’ve found a surge of inspiration, a need to finish my second book I started last year. It’s addicting.
So I trudge forward, accepting that this dream has flourished and knowing that it won’t be the last dream I need to come to terms with.
Voice of Innocence, to be released February 26th, is now available for pre-order at :
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/519707
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TMX826K
