Why I Think Tom Cruise is Not Human

He never ages.



He divorces his wives once they reach the age of 33.



He chooses his wives by interviewing candidates.



He told his first wife he had to remain celibate to "maintain the purity of his instrument." He also had no (non-adopted) children with his first two wives and left Nicole Kidman while she was pregnant. She miscarried soon after.




Some blame Scientology. (What is UP with that religion anyway? Did they ever find the leader's missing wife that prompted Leah Remini to file a missing persons report? If not...HELLO? A woman's missing!!!)



Some say Tom Cruise is hiding a John Travolta-ish secret...


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(By the way, it's 2014. If you're a celebrity and you're gay, nobody cares. Quit auditioning wives and just be yourself.)

I think there's a more otherworldly explanation. Something even Scientology might embrace. I think Tom Cruise isn't human. Is he a robot?



Maybe an alien?



Think about it. It would explain his Oprah meltdown, right?




And why the one "biological child" he has looks a lot like Katie. Notsomuch like him.



It makes sense, right?