The Trust Factor

I give a man a hard time. I don't mean to it's just that I'm hard on myself. I've had some hard times in relationships. I believe it's because I try too hard. The games that I played has destroyed my ability to trust because I don't trust myself.

Someone asked why did I think I was single and I said that it was because I'm thirsty. The guy just laughed but I was dead serious. At 31 and I'm single and childless. This depresses me to no end. I feel like my life is empty at times. I'm alone and I have nothing. Like I don't deserve anything good because God doesn't trust me with a life.

People in my life don't understand the logic. To them, I'm this beautiful and talented woman who is still young enough to live a very full life. I should be traveling the world and doing great things with my life. And I agree with them but still there is this little bit of doubt deep down that tells me that I just don't deserve it.

Why don't I trust myself to be great? I can't give myself the ability to love myself because I wasn't blessed with the love of my very own family. This is a scary thing and my career is suffering for it.

I just hope that one day I find the trust in my heart to take care of the one life that God does entrust me with. My own.