What do I say to a grieving parent?

What to say to a grieving parent

1. Don’t say…..

“You just need to get some sleep, tomorrow will be better.”

This is a lie. When a parent loses a child their life will be forever altered by the journey of grief. As time passes the grief does not lessen, but we become better at coping with it.

Instead say…..

“Why don’t you rest now and we can talk more later if you like.”

2. Don’t say……

“I don’t know why you insist on talking about your daughter. She’s dead.”

As grieving parents we need to voice our thoughts like everyone else, and the death of our child is on our minds. I believe we also interject comments about our child so they won’t be forgotten. We want their memory to continue.

Instead say…..

“She was sure a beautiful girl! We all remember her big smile!”

3. Don’t say…..

“So what exactly happened?”

Grieving parents have graphic images of what happened to their child and the resulting consequences for life evermore burned into their memories. Discussing the tragedy will only result in more stress and unnecessary anxiety.

Instead say….

“I just want you to know if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

4. Don’t say….

“When you get around to clearing her things out I get first choice of the stuff your getting rid of. OK?”

Clearing out a child’s possessions may not happen for years. Some parents leave their child’s things in place as a sanctuary or place to go remember them forever. It is not uncommon for everything to be boxed and stored without ever going through things.

Instead say…..

“If I can help you in any way please don’t hesitate to ask.”

5. Don’t say….

“It’s been ten years, isn’t it time to get over it?”

Grieving parents will be on the grief journey for the rest of their lives. There is no correct procedure or timeline to grief, it’s all individual.

Instead say….

“I know the anniversary of her death is coming up. Do you have plans made for that day?”