Wannabe a Picture Book Editor for a Day? by Malachy Doyle

Right. Rather than me trying to tell anyone how to do it, this week it's over to you. Tell me what's wrong with this story. Whatever you say is helpful. 

I like the story. Agent likes the story. But fears it's too 'quiet' for the current market.

I'm somewhat perplexed. What does 'quiet' mean? Too domestic? Too small in scale? Not enough pirates, dinosaurs, underpants...?

Or maybe part of the trouble is it rhymes (shock horror)?

 

The  Littlest  One



One day all the others – Pip, Stevie and Sam – 
rushed off to the playground. The front door went slam!


‘Wait!’ yelled the Little One. ‘Rats!’ was her cry –
for the handle was up near the top – far too high.
She tried all the doors but she couldn’t get out.


‘I’m fed up! So fed up!’ she started to shout. ‘I’m fed up with being the Littlest One!I want to be out there! I want to have fun! I’m fed up with THEM telling me what to do!
And I’m fed up with THEM always getting things new
while I get their hand-me-downs – old stuff from others –
WHO NEEDS BIG SISTERS? OH WHO WANTS BIG BROTHERS!’ 


She stomped up and down till she came to a door.
                    (of an old neglected wendy house, in the playroom)
‘We all used to play here, we don’t any more.
It’s too small for Pip or for Stevie or Sam,
but it’s just right for Little Ones – that’s what I am!’
  
She gathered up toys – they were Little Ones, too.
‘Let’s have some fun!’ she said. ‘Just me and you!
We won’t ask those others – they’ve all grown so tall.
They don’t fit in here but it’s good, being small!’


She reached out for Badger, she grabbed hold of Pig,
and soon they were whirling and dancing a jig.
Ragdoll and Teddy Bear – they joined in, too,
and the wendy house shook with the hullabaloo.
‘For the Littlest One, oh the Littlest One,
yes the Littlest One has the VERY BEST FUN!’


‘Can we join in too?’ cried her brothers and sister.
Now they were home, they were sorry they’d missed her –
sorry they’d missed the best game of the day. ‘No, you’re all too grown-up!  You can just GO AWAY!’


‘But I can see TEDDY!’ cried Sam, at the door.
‘And my DOLL!’ shouted Pip. ‘There she is, on the floor!’ ‘They’re not yours any more and he’s not Stevie’s Pig!
You gave them to me when you all got too big!
Too big for the wendy house, too big to play,
too big for “baby games” – you went away!
But the Littlest One, oh the Littlest One,
yes the Littlest One has the VERY BEST FUN!’
 
‘Oh please!’ cried the rest. ‘Can’t we just have a go?’
‘Well, you can if you fit…’ said the Little One so
Sam squeezed in the window, Pip squashed through the door
and while Stevie played fiddle, they whirled round some more.


‘We’re sorry we left you!’ said Pip, Steve and Sam.
And they sang and they danced. Even Dad did, and Mam!
Yes they laughed and they giggled until Granma said,
‘All playing together – what fun! Time for bed!’


So they danced up the stairs, all still doing a jig –
for you’re never too big for a whirly-ma-gig.
No you’re never too old to have oodles of fun,
for remember – you once were the Littlest One.
Yes, everyone once was the Littlest One. (Even Granma!)


‘For the Littlest One! Yes, the Littlest One! Oh the Littlest One has the VERY BEST FUN!’ (bouncing on the bed with Granma)