Why I'm afraid of the Bourbon Kings

Okay, so rolling up to the July 28th release of the first book in my newest series (THE BOURBON KINGS,) I know I'm supposed to talk about how fabulous the book is, how much people are going to like it, how great the world building is, etc., etc., etc., how my readers should jump into the...

Blah, blah, blah.

Look, the sh*t doesn't suck, okay?

Let's just get that out of the way up front. (Oh, and in case you're wondering, that's about as much praise I give my own work lol, so take the statement with that in mind.)

Yes, I love the BOURBON KINGS. Of course, I do. I wrote the book from the heart, and I want to write the other books in the series because I see them so clearly and so urgently that it takes me back to DARK LOVER days.

But I'm sh*t terrified.

And the truth is, that's the way it SHOULD be.

I've been successful at this writing gig so far. I've worked my a&& off, true, but I've also had that intangible, magical luck that sometimes you get, and sometimes you don't. As I've always said, there are writers FAR more talented than I who are struggling for no good reason I can see simply because...

Well, see that's why I'm terrified. I'm not sure I understand why the BDB worked so well. If I did, if there was some sort of mathematical equation to define success, if I could say YES I'm back in the sweet spot with this idea... then maybe I wouldn't be so scared.

But that's not the nature of this business.

DARK LOVER came out ten years ago this September. I can remember when I sent in the proposal for the series to my then agent- I was in tears at the post office. (This was back in the old days before everything was emailed in.) I was convinced the story was too out there, that no one was going to relate to the material (Marriage ceremony involving scarification? Sure! Hero who almost kills the heroine's buddy who's a cop in front of her? Why not! Secondary hero who turns into a dragon unless he f**ks women? What the hell!), and that I was going to lose the chance to write the rest of the stories.

That's how I feel about the Bourbon KINGS.

See, what's cool, but also scary, about this business is that you have to earn your stripes with readers every single time you put a book out there. No matter how "big" your name is, you can't get away from that reality- nor should you. The world doesn't owe you a pat on the head because you "birthed" "the book of your heart." Your friends care. Your family care. And that's about you- and PS, that kind of support really matters in life.

But as a professional writer, it's not about you.

(N.B.: I need to sideline here and say that I have a ton of writer friends who preach this gospel, too- and I see a TON of other writers in this market believing it as well- even if I don't know them personally, every time they release something, it's as good if not even better than the already great stuff they're putting out.)

As an analogy, not that you're stupid by any stretch and can't extrapolate on your own, say Coke started putting crap in its red and white cans? It might get away with that for day or two. Maybe a week. But pretty soon? Everyone's buying Pepsi. Or Snapple. Or drinking water from the sink.

This is what I think of every time I get tired at the computer, or want to get lazy, or think, meh, maybe I'll have someone else do my galleys.

Which is not to say I'm a saint or a machine or setting myself up as some perfect example. I f**ked up the end of V's book, for instance. I wish I'd left more on the page for Lover Unleashed. The Fallen Angels series was a great intellectual puzzle for me, but was low on emotion. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Readers are right to pick and choose because romantic notions of writing aside, they're buying a product and nobody wastes money on something that is only a brand. Brands exists because they mean quality- but if that goes away? Then the market goes away.

(N.B. Okay, Keeping Up with the Kardashians disproves this theory. But work with me.)

Back to the Bourbon Kings.

I came up with the idea for the series about five, six years ago- and I toyed with it on my off hours for so long, checking out the pictures I got in my head, wondering about where the stories were going to go, trying to tease out whether there was enough meat in there.

I got the meats, yo. Just in case you were wonderin'.

When I pitched the concept to my publisher, they hopped right on board, and I gotta say, I love my editor. I have poured over this manuscript over and over again, tweaking, refining... leaving it all on the page.

The thing goes into copyedits next Tuesday.

Naturally, I want to vomit.

The BOURBON KINGS is a different series than the BDB in some ways-for example, if there's blood shed, it's not because someone's hungry. And if there's a scent of baby powder around, it's because someone's burping an infant on their shoulder. At its core, though, you have a group of people confronted with a series of monumental problems that require them to either band together... or sink like a stone.

There's even a guy with a lot of scars. (And before anyone asks, yes, Edward is my favorite. And yes, he pays for sex. And yup, he's in love with a woman he's not involved with. And uh-huh, she has her own issues. Whyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyy do I always love the complicated hurt ones the most???)

And so I'm scared of the BOURBON KINGS in the same way I was scared of DARK LOVER. I want the opportunity to write the whole series- whether it's six books (like my Fallen Angel series) or open ended and forever like the BDBs- and that is only going to happen if readers embrace the people, the places, the stories.

And I have no control over that.

Nor should I.

That's the readers' sacred space. That's theirs and their alone: Just as I had my private time with the material where they weren't welcome (when I was writing it all,) readers who get the book are entitled to their private experience. It's their right, and their privilege, and I respect the sh*t out of that boundary.

See, that's the other thing that's interesting about this business. Even though the Coke analogy works on some levels, writers are not manufacturing machines. I can only write what I'm shown- as I've often said, I'm not smart enough to think this stuff up. The stories come or they don't, and my job is to describe what I'm shown sufficiently so that a reader can get close enough to touch what's in my head. I'm not allowed to have an opinion of the material- if I change things, the voices and pictures go away and I'm left with nothing- so I get when readers are sometimes frustrated with the way things go. I get frustrated, too.

However, I can only work with what I got. And I judge my job on whether I got it on the page right. I do not allow myself to go any further than that- just as readers are allowed their sacred space, I need to have mine.

When it comes to the BOURBON KINGS, I wrote what I was shown, and I gasped, and I cried, and I laughed, and I ahhhhhh'd along the way. If I did my job, hopefully some readers will hop on board and come along for the ride. That would be great. That would be awesome!

I would get a good night sleep for at least an evening or two (until I get another wasp in a bathroom ceiling fixture.)

But no one knows what people are going to think. And that's what keeps me on my toes. And makes me grateful for the people who love my books enough to spend their hard earned money on them. It would be an honor to get to keep writing the BKs. That's my dearest hope.

But not my expectation.

And there's a world of difference between the two.

Jeez, just like the old days, huh?

Happy Reading! And thank you!