Sometimes, it’s not hard to work out what a dream is saying…

So, it's been a weird week. Some stuff has happened that has been mega, fantastically cool (will tell more when I know I can). Other stuff has happened that, initially seems really cool, and then the more you think about it, the more you realise that actually, it could turn out to be a bit of a nightmare.

Then you have a dream like I did last night – I went to visit a bloke, who lived in a motorhome, but unlike any motorhome you've ever seen – the driver's seat was off to the side and up high, and surrounded by a really intense and large house. I went inside and then suddenly, I'm there with the guy only we're on the Judge Judy show and Judy's yelling at him to just stick to the facts cause he keeps pulling out drawers to show how badly the place was built (and it looks pretty good to me). Then I convince him to take me on a tour, and I've got a baby and he's showing me around but the corridors get really thin and the baby can't fit so I put her down and tell her to be good and go on alone. We go around the house and find ourselves in the drivers cabin and the guy realises the brake isn't on properly and goes to fix it and the house takes off and falls over a cliff.

At that point I woke up, my heart pounding and the meaning of it all clear – I'm not adjusting well to the lack of control I have over the future of my books.

Something happened this week (I can't talk about it until I know what's going on) that made that abundantly clear. For some people in the chain of book publishing and selling, I'm the least important cog of all. They'll make decisions to do what is best business practice for them, and not really think through the possible ramifications for others up the chain. Those ramifications also seem to grow and the end result – the impact is greater on me, at the start of the line, then on anyone else.

Note – this is NOT about the fabulous folks at Voyager. I am overwhelmingly happy to be working with them, and hope that I will continue to do so for many years to come.

But boy – the lack of control you have over your future can at times be scary. Nightmarish, even.