Weekly Witter

Hello, and welcome to my new weekly witter post. I'll be adding to it, yes you've guessed it, every week. Here I'll be chatting about random things I've seen, done or heard.
 Well, this week has been hectic. I've not had time to do much of my second novel, I've been updating this blog. What a nightmare! I'm not technical and although the theme of the blog is red, the air has definitely been blue! The same can also be said for my husband who is doing DIY. He's prowling around armed with tools and an expression to warrant both me and the dog hiding and shaking in corners. If the producers of The Chainsaw Massacre decide to make a new movie, he's their man. Very scary. But on the plus side, he did make a romantic gesture yesterday. He walked in the house brandishing a bag. As he held it out and said it was for me I wondered what it could be. It was clearly not flowers. The bag was too small to be chocolates. It couldn't be jewellery, not with Christmas approaching. As I peered inside he told me he thought I'd enjoy it. It was difficult to appear grateful though. Much as I like them, I'd got my hopes built up for more than a pork pie. Oh, well, nothing says I love you like a bit of pig in pastry... Love Pippa x

Click on 'Latest Witter' to see my most recent witter post.

Friday 6th February

Hello lovely Witterers. I cannot believe how quickly the weeks are flying by, can you? I'm beginning to think there was no point putting the Christmas tree away.
Well, it's now been a week since 'The OMG Test' was published. I've spent the week updating profiles on different sites. I didn't even realise you had to do separate ones for Amazon UK and .com. The same for reviewing books. I'm thrilled that bestselling murder/mystery author, Joanne Clancy, wrote a blog post showcasing me and the book. Amazing. She's also helped with countless other things. I don't know what I'd have done without her! Especially as she's just published her 20th book! Incredible! The link to it is below. It's a brilliant read:

I Should Have Told You, by Joanne Clancy

Writing is lonely. You're in your own little world, just you and the characters. That's fine. But then once you publish, you need to do the exact opposite to shutting yourself away, and shout about the book. That isn't fine, but it's necessary. Although I'm easy going and like to meet people, I'm not one for standing up in front of an audience. I did it at my recent wedding, and I was terrified. My nerves were already in shreds due to a bridesmaid's dress giving way! You can see how much the piece of paper was shaking in my hand in my 'Getting hitched without a hitch' post. So, what do I do? How do I get both my name and my book to stand out from the thousands of other books out there? I always knew this was going to be hard, and I'm sure it'll get easier with time. But I do have to say that I've loved the self-publishing journey. I like the fact that you can dictate your own deadlines, content and cover. Whatever happens, I'll always be proud of myself for getting this far, and actually doing it! And, hard as it's been at times, I'm doing it again. Book two is well under way. The simple fact is this: I love writing so much, and can't bear the thought of not doing it anymore. So nothing will stop me, and I'll have to become braver.
Wish me luck!
The link to the book is below, if you'd like to have a peek. The genre is chick lit/romantic comedy.

The OMG Test, by Pippa Franks

Love Pippa x


Sunday 1st February

Hello, and welcome to my Weekly Witter!
For anybody who has been following my Witters, I must apologise for being late this week. I have a good reason: I've finally published by book, 'The OMG Test.' I've had a few technical issues which I wanted to correct, before announcing this.
I found out it had gone live on amazon a few hours after uploading it. My cousin posted an order page from amazon. I nearly fainted with shock! What a lovely feeling. I've waited almost ten years for this moment. I admit I cried. A lot. It's been a long and emotional journey since I wrote the first words all those years ago. But now the real hard work begins: persuading all you lovely people to take a chance on me and give the book a go. It's 99p to download and the paperback is £5.99.
For anybody willing to try it, I'd love to hear your comments. I'm happy to listen to all feedback, both good and bad. Click on the title below and it will take you straight to the page on amazon.
The OMG Test
You can 'look inside' for a preview.
I'll be back as normal next Friday.
Love Pippa x


Friday 23rd January

Hello lovely Witterers...have you had a good week?
On Monday I held a physical copy of my book for the first time ever. What a feeling! Although I've been calling it 'my book' for ages, really it was nothing more than a manuscript. A word document. But now, it's the real thing. I stared at this proof copy for ages. Then I turned the pages slowly. I read the bio and acknowledgements as if I was seeing them for the first time. When I turned to the start of the story I could hardly believe I was seeing the evidence of all that hard work in a real book.
I'm not technical at all, so the formatting guidelines had given me palpitations. Gutter margins? I had nightmares. Luckily for me my husband sorted it. The colour on the cover was much darker than the image we'd uploaded, so that had to be lightened. Apart from that I was happy. Now we need to format the Kindle version. But both should be available on amazon next weekend. Argghhh scary! Exciting though.
I'm going to press 'Publish' next Thursday. I've been told it takes a day or two to go live. I'm hoping this will happen on 31st January. Eight days from now.
Wish me luck!
Love Pippa x


Friday 16th January

Hello Witterers...What a week it's been!
Last week I mentioned that I'd just found a cover designer for my first book. A few hours later I saw it for the first time. This was not a hastily thrown together image. It was taken from a scene in the book. By the early hours of the morning (Yes, he worked incredibly hard), final touches had been made. And there it was, the cover for 'The OMG Test.' The man behind this is Paul Beeley of 'Create Imaginations.' Not only did he do the cover quickly, he also designed a Facebook header, arranged my first ever blog interview, AND provided me with a book trailer. All of this was within two days. Amazing! You may think the cost of this package is high, but it's not! If you're looking for a cover designer visit the website and see for yourself.
Here is the cover:
The scene is where Olivia is looking through a restaurant window to see how a proper table setting should look. She's about to hold a dinner party and wants to impress Connor. She's also imagining being at the romantic table with him. Sadly, her bubble is burst a minute later. I hope you will read the book to find out why!
I aim to publish the book around the end of this month. I'm also halfway through book two. Exciting times!
Love Pippa x



Friday 9th January

Hello Witterers, how are you this week?

The prospect of me publishing a book has become real now. I've written the blurb for the cover, got my acknowledgements ready and I'm in talks with a cover designer. Wow! I can hardly believe it's about to happen at last. Seeing the cover for the first time will be so exciting. After all the blood, sweat and (plenty of) tears it's time to have some fun! I wonder what it'll look like. Although I've had ten years to picture it, I keep having different visions. I can say what I don't want, but not what I do. So, I'll leave it to the professionals and see what they come up with. I can't wait to show you it! I write chick-lit and am proud to say so. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but it is still hard to get the writing perfect, as with any genre. Just because it involves humour it doesn't mean that it's easy. It's not! There's still all the issues of show not tell, passive voice, point of view and lots more besides. It annoys me when I hear people dismiss it as being mindless rubbish. My answer is this: There's enough bad news in the world so why not indulge in escapism if you can? Also, my debut novel has adults with learning difficulties in. I wanted to write about important topics along with the farce and humour. My second book covers guilt and death, but will still be classed as chick-lit. However, I can understand why it sometimes gets a bad name, and it leads back to covers.
 Many well established authors become annoyed at having little imput into what is effectively their shop window. The covers often show handbags and shoes, which is fine if that's what the book is about. But often it isn't, and bears no resemblance to the story. Here's one important reason why self-publishing is good: complete control. The cover clearly has to be fabulous to stand out however you publish, and self-published authors have the power to make sure this happens.
I love handbags and shoes by the way! :-)

Onto other news...I'm thrilled to say that in my February post I will be interviewing best selling author Joanne Clancy! Having written and self-published around twenty books now, what she doesn't know probably isn't worth knowing anyway. If anybody has any questions they'd like me to put forward to her please let me know.

Have a great week!
Love Pippa x


Friday 2nd January

Hello and happy 2015 lovely Witterers!

I hope you all enjoyed the festive period. I've been ill throughout. Typical! Last year was a gum abscess and this year a head cold. Despite this, I still had a lovely time with friends and family.
I must admit though, that a good part of the holiday consisted of curling up under a blanket and watching TV.

New Year is a time for reflection and I hope I can fulfill the goals I set in 2014 for this coming year. The main goal is to publish my debut novel and to finish my second and publish that too, in the first half of the year. Now that the time is near at last, it's scary. Exciting, but scary. For the first time regarding my writing, I'm on a deadline. By the end of this month I must finish the first draft of book two. And make sure it's been edited once, so that it's ready to send to my editor. I'm a third of the way through. Hmm, sounds tough, but I have to do it. At that point I'll publish book one while I wait to get my edits back.
I can't imagine what it must be like to press that 'Publish' button for the first time. I guess the questions going round in your head must be the same for everyone though: Will anybody buy it? Will anybody like it? Will anybody leave a bad review soon? Will anybody leave a good review ever? Will anyone even find it? How do I make sure people do?
I'm beginning to worry about the actual publishing process now too. I'm not very technical and wonder how hard the formatting is. Plenty of other people manage it, but somehow that doesn't make me feel better about it at the moment. BUT, I'm going to be positive and tell myself it will be fine. It's what I've been wanting to do for almost ten years. I've decided to see the positive in everything this year (barring drastic incidents obviously) and not moan about minor things. I wonder if I'll get beyond this week :-)
This is the subject of my imminent January post 'January Yellows.'

Anyway, I'm going to sign off for now...the dog has come in and got mud everywhere. Aww, bless him! I'm not cursing under my breath. I'M NOT, OK?

Love Pippa x



Thursday 18th December

Hello again, lovely Witterers. What a week it's been! I'm happy to report that the Christmas cheer finally found me. If you saw last week's post I'm sure you'll agree I've done well!
The presents are all wrapped and I've hit my target of writing a third of my second book by Christmas.
If you don't already know, book one has been out with an agent for the past couple of months. Well, my expiry date has been and gone. I've heard nothing so it's safe to say that it's a 'Thanks, but no thanks.' Or, more likely, only one of those four words. The one with two letters! Am I disappointed? Yes, a little, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered sending it off. However, I have prepared for this: I'm going to publish it myself around the end of January, mid February at the latest. The reason for the timing is because book two will be ready to send to the editor by then. While she's going through it I can concentrate on getting 'The OMG Test' out there. Once I get my edits back it'll be a juggling act of promoting book one and completing book two. It's scary but exciting. To think I'll have two books published by halfway through 2015. This is after writing for about ten years on and off. I may fall flat on my face and get nothing but bad reviews (assuming anyone even buys it) but hopefully it won't turn out to be quite as bad as that!
As I've said before, I'd rather try and fail, than fail to try.
At one time I would've heard imaginary voices of the agents I'd submitted to. They'd be saying: 'She's publishing that?' The time may come where the voices are no longer in my head, and they do say it, but instead of focusing on the negatives and letting them hold me back, I'm going to stay focused on the positives. Two agents, prior to final edits, had the following to say:

'There's a lot to like here. I quite enjoyed the voice.'
And, from someone who read it all: 'You have the talent and ability to be published and you made me laugh out loud on more than one occasion.'

That's pretty good, right? I know ultimately they rejected it, but I'm choosing to keep their lovely comments in mind. And also, the book is further edited since these comments were made.

I'm looking forward to spending a weekend in York with all my family this weekend. We'll be opening presents (If only they knew the state I was in last week) by a real fire in the hotel we're all staying at. York is a beautiful city, especially this time of year. I'm going to really enjoy it. Definitely! If you read my 'Mince Pies and Teary Eyes' post you'll understand that remark.

So, I'll be using the travelling time to do some edits on my first eight chapters of book two. Once I arrive back in Coventry, I'll be having a little break from writing until after Christmas (If I can keep away), so I'll sign off now and be back in the new year. My January post will be called 'January Yellows' and of course this Weekly Witter will continue then. I hope you'll join me!

Merry Christmas to you all!

Love Pippa x



Friday 12th December

How's your December going? I can't believe it's halfway through,
I'm really not prepared at all and now I have so much to do.
I started out quite well you know, my cards were posted on the first,
Then I realised I'd forgotten lots, it was then that my bubble burst.
These couple of gifts won't cut it, ah, I could rifle through my drawers,
Hmm, if you're after mismatched socks - well then good news my friend, they're yours!
Okay I need a pick me up, I know - Christmas sherry,
I'm guessing that will do the trick, for it's bound to make me merry.
I'm struggling with the sellotape, the drink's not working, I'm afraid,
Because much as I love Noddy, I'm wishing I could throttle Slade.
Mmm, Bailey's could be the answer, it's a good idea to try it,
Tis the season to be jolly? Well I'm sorry, I don't buy it.
Oh, I think I'll just check Facebook and see what's been put on Twitter,
Maybe write more of my novel, then update my Weekly Witter.
Oh, where's the Christmas fairy, to find and wrap up gifts divine?
I'm looking, but I can't see her, so I suppose that job's all mine.
Our dancing Santa's gloating, as well he might, he's had all year,
He has nothing else to think of, after all it's his career.
Oh, carol singers at the door, and yes, they really sound quite nice,
But disturbing my Eastenders? I've turned the volume up now. Twice.
I screw up the wrapping paper, which is rubbish, it has all torn,
Yet I know I'll get my jobs done - a Christmas miracle reborn.
I've decided on the vino, hey, I'm smiling now at last,
All of this negativity, I'm placing firmly in the past.
I pour myself another wine, oops, is that a little stagger?
I'm dancing around manically, I bet I could impress Jagger.

Mrry Chrishhmus
Love Pippa x



Friday 5th December

Hello lovely witterers. This week has been a toughie for me. I've given the reason why in my new blog post 'Mince Pies and Teary Eyes.'

I've devoted as much time as possible to my book this week. My aim was to get a quarter of the way through by Christmas. Luckily I'm almost there, so I'm now hoping to write another couple of chapters to make it a third. It's been a fantastic diversion from negative thoughts which this time of year brings. The other thing that helps me is my 3pm dog walk with my 'white dog gang.' We're not racist (or dogist) and our latest member is brown. Four humans make up the gang and we support each other through good and bad times. Even if I've had a terrible day, chances are that by 3.10pm I'll be laughing. A big topic of conversation is my writing. Ridiculous plot ideas are thought up. I'd like to think they are from the others and not me, but I'll let readers be the judge of that when they read my books! We meet some fascinating (and strange) people. 'A walk in the Park' could be the title of a future book!
One minute we can be discussing the merits of different poo bags and the next we can be chasing a flasher through the park. Yes, really. It seems the winter weather doesn't bother him. It should do though, because by all accounts the cold weather makes it difficult for anyone to see what he's actually doing! He's married with young kids. How do I know? Because he was caught and taken to court...and let off due to lack of evidence. What are we supposed to do? Say: 'Hang on, hold that pose while I get a close-up photo?' His wife gave him a false alibi. She probably just doesn't want to believe it. I have to say the police have been great, they are as frustrated as we are by the situation.

Anyway, if you live in Coventry, near Lake View Park, come and join us. We don't bite and neither do our dogs. Often.
When I first went to the park I spent hours looking for the lake. I wondered how on earth I could miss it. Until someone told me there wasn't one. But on the plus side there's a stream. And on a good day you can't really see the mattress which has been dumped in it. Aside from the mattress it is a nice park but it's the people who make it for me. One of the gang is also going through a tough time. 2014 for her has been a nightmare. Earlier in the year her partner was diagnosed with cancer and it's been a long round of appointments and chemo and radiotherapy. Christmas for them won't be a good one, yet she's busy at the moment making Christmas stockings for all the dogs. We're all praying next Christmas will be a much happier and healthier one for them. Fingers crossed. (If you haven't already checked out my Christmas post mentioned above, maybe you will find it interesting)

Anyway, thanks for reading. Have a fab week and I hope you'll join me again next week...same time, same place!

Love Pippa x



Friday 28th November

Hello again lovely witterers. Well, along with buying chocolates for Christmas presents and promptly eating them, I've managed to do some writing this week. I've got past introducing a ghost to the main character. She's on an important mission but can only do it with Jenna, the main character's help.
I decided to write a paranormal novel years ago. Why? Because the whole subject fascinates me. Do I believe in it? Yes! If I didn't I would not be writing this book. It must be incredibly difficult to write something you don't actually believe yourself. I believe there is more to life (and death) than we truly understand. I've had so many things happen to me over the years. I appreciate though, that if you haven't had any strange experiences it would be hard to say you believe. One thing's for certain: it is a subject that has been and will continue to be debated throughout time.

I'll tell you about three episodes which have stayed with me as clearly as if they had happened yesterday:

Many years ago, I was doing up a house with a view to moving into it permanently. The cottage was run down and needed a lot of work. The first problem was that everytime I was there I felt ill - sick and dizzy. This usually resulted in me going home without getting much done. The bad feelings increased to loud noises close by. Door handles would turn, footsteps could be heard and knocking and banging became louder in volume.

One morning, I was in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil when I was pushed from the side. I stumbled and hurt myself on the worktop. But the worst part was the sure knowledge that somebody or something did not want me there. The feeling in the room was menacing. I left, but returned a few nights later with a friend. I tried to push what had happened to the back of my mind.
My friend and I were going to stay over that night and I didn't mention to her any of the previous incidents.
We listened to music and watched TV. Even above these sounds noises and footsteps could be heard. My friend became alarmed, but we went up to one of the bedrooms which had two single beds. As we snuggled down, we looked over at each other, unable to ignore the scratching and knocking coming from outside the room. Footsteps approached and we heard growling noises. We were absolutely terrified. We jumped from the beds and ran downstairs and out of the door, not even pausing to change from our pyjamas and put shoes on. Luckily I lived nearby so we ran there, waking up my family, and we sat re-living the whole experience all night. I never went back, not even to collect my things.

The house I lived in had been in my family for 46 years. It was a Victorian town house and the houses on that street had previously belonged to sea captains.
Over the years the family acknowledged that there was more people than us living there. We never felt threatened though. Not like in that cottage.
By the time of the second incident I'm telling you about, I was living in the family home alone. I was packing to move to be with my (now) husband. It was a period of my life where I had mixed feelings - I was going to be starting a new life 200 miles away, and my sister and I were sad because we'd recently lost our mum. It was hard packing up her stuff and mine, our home was becoming an empty shell.

This particular day I was in the bath. The door was frosted glass and I saw a black figure going past the bathroom and continuing up another flight of stairs, towards the top floor where I was living.
My sister had a key and was at the house everyday, helping to pack and to generally spend time with me before I moved. I called to her: 'I'll be there in a minute.'
But there was nobody there.

A couple of weeks later, I was washing up in the kitchen when I saw out of the corner of my eye, a black figure coming up the stairs and onto the landing outside the kitchen. My sister had left five minutes before. I said: 'What have you forgotten?' convinced she'd come back. But again there was nobody there.

I've had many more experiences. I know people reading this may well put it down to an active imagination (I am writing after all) but I know what I saw. Those two incidents happening close together, I feel was to do with the house being turned upside down. Or possibly they were residual hauntings, which is an event from the past playing over and over like a tape recording. Apparently.

Anyway, the great thing about writing a paranormal novel is having the complete freedom to write whatever I like. I'm having fun with it. And as I know only too well; the truth really can be stranger than fiction...

So, are you a believer, non-believer or open-minded? I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences!

I must go now, there's someone at the door. He's much more frightening than any ghost...It's the postman and the pile of brown envelopes he's carrying scare the hell out of me!

Love Pippa x



Friday 21st November

Hello my lovely witterers. I say lovely but own up, somebody has stolen from me. They've taken a few months from my calender. December in under two weeks? It cannot possibly true...can it?
Something else mysteriously disappears too - socks! I think I know the culprit though: the washing machine. We have more odd ones than pairs because they enter the machine never to be seen again. Why is this? I hardly dare put my hand in nowadays in case it develops a liking for them too!

Anyway...this week has been a bit stressful. Nothing in particular, it's just a case of having a lot on my mind. The run up to Christmas is a hard time for me. It used to be my favourite time of the year, but for the last few years it brings tears. The last thing I want to do is to depress you, I'm writing about it in my December post which will be called 'Mince pies and Teary Eyes.' This will explain all and I'm sure a lot of people will identify with what I'll be saying. But enough of that for this week.
So, what with Christmas looming and getting the house straight from months of DIY and decorating, it hasn't left any time for writing this week. I'm hoping to get three more chapters done by Christmas and then finish the whole of draft one by the end of January. I don't think I'll be sleeping much during that month, approximately 60,000 words to write. Once I set myself a target or deadline though, I stick to it. My gran used to say that if I wanted something done, I wanted it done yesterday. She was right.

I still need your help with my book. The details are in my witter post from last week, so please check it out. I'm hoping to have details on publishing my first book soon. 2015 is set to be an exciting year for me. Possibly publishing my first two books and starting my third.

Okay, I'd better go and get on with the sock search. Wish me luck! One thought has just occurred to me though and cheered me up: I've been married for five months now and we haven't mentioned divorce! Yay :-)

Love Pippa x



Friday 14th November

Hello again, lovely readers. I can't believe how quickly this week has gone. I've been busy with my second book, 'The 7th day of May.' No prizes for guessing what date I'd like it to be published...
But there is a prize for helping me with a section of the book. What I need is a name for a singing duo. They are in their twenties. One's male and one's female. They both sing and he also plays the guitar. She's a bit of a rock chick, he's dark, brooding and gorgeous! If any of you can come up with the name of this band, which they set up in the book, I will use it and will mention you in my acknowledgement page once published. Just click on comments below. Don't forget to keep checking as I will announce the winner in a later post. An easy way to do this is to subscribe to my posts. All this means is that you will be notified when I write a new one.
This week I thought I would share with you a scene in the chapter I'm currently writing. I'll quickly explain the setting:

Jenna, the main character, has just got engaged. She's in a cafe with her future mother-in-law Mona (Or as Jenna refers to her: 'The Mona')

Mona proceeded to take another sheet of paper out of her bag. She unfolded it and smoothed out the creases with the palm of her hand, before thrusting it over the table. 'I've printed this from the interweb. It took me ages to do but I think this dress will be perfect for you.'
Jenna stared at the smiling face of the model wearing the monstrosity. She must've been desperate for the money when agreeing to pose in that creation for public viewing.
(she thinks to herself) So, the Mona has a vision of me getting married in fancy dress then. She sees me as a snowman. But on the plus side, all I'll need is a carrot nose-mould and a pipe. Voila! Outfit complete!
'What do you think?' Mona clasped her hands together.
That there's more chance of me walking down the aisle naked to 'Love Stinks' by J Geils Band, than there is of me wearing that.

I've decided that the above song is the 'theme tune' for the book. It's fitting. Each time I start a new book I'm going to pick a song as the theme. It will help me focus on where I'm heading with the story and characters. Actually, this song would fit my first book, 'The OMG Test' too. I can imagine Olivia, the main character loving it! (details on release date coming soon)

Anyway, don't forget about the competition. Get your thinking caps on. One more thing to bear in mind - the characters involved are both recovering from the death of loved ones. They make a pact to honour their memory and not waste another moment. Hence the forming of the band.

I'll be back next week, but in the meantime I thought I would leave you with the theme song. The video is underneath. But beware: I cannot get it out of my head now. Very annoying!

Love Pippa x








Friday 7th November

Hello, lovely readers. This week I've read and reviewed two Christmas novellas and one novel. Luckily they were all good. But what if they hadn't been?  Let's say one had been so bad I would've been justified in giving it only one star. What would I have done? Well first I would question whether two stars would be fair. If so, I'd do that. Writing is subjective, after all. But if it was really bad I'm not sure. I probably would've contacted the author and been honest before doing anything else. I'd then go by their reaction. On this subject I thought I would have a bit of fun this week...

I'll soon be publishing my debut novel. Exciting but scary too! Obviously I hope some readers will enjoy it, but not all will and that's fine. Every single author gets bad reviews. Even bestselling ones. You cannot please everybody in life, but I'm happy when I can please some. I've survived rejections and honestly they did not upset me in the slightest! Why? Partly because I was prepared for them, it goes with being a writer. Also, some of them gave me constructive criticism. This was a positive, enabling me to become a better writer.

The next hurdle will be the inevitable bad reviews. I've heard and read writers saying they will not be bothered, then go on to rant about them when they happen. My thoughts are this: Everyone is entitled to their opinion and just maybe you can learn something from what they are saying. Especially if the same comments are being repeated. I will always listen carefully to what I'm being told. I will also appreciate every single person taking the time to read and review my book.
BUT... some people cross the line and abuse the author. It becomes a personal attack. There is a huge difference between giving a bad review of a book and being nasty and rude, or even threatening towards the author. And it does happen! Nobody can be prepared for this really. In preparation for the chance of this occuring, which would be the worst thing a writer can face, I've written my own one star review. A borderline abusive one! I will print it off, and each time I get a bad review I will compare it to my printed one. Chances are it won't be as bad... then I will feel better ;)

Here goes:
I paid a pound for this trash and would've rather thrown it in the gutter. Which is where this so called writer and her scribblings should be! My five year old can write better than her. Do not buy this book! It's rubbish! She can't string two words together properly and I will tell everybody all over the internet not to buy it. If she writes another book I will find out where she lives and send someone round to shut her up! I wish I could've given no stars but I suppose the one reflects the fact that I suffer with insomnia and it sent me to sleep, it was so boring!

My thoughts (private, not public) if someone really did write this would be: I would've been happy to refund you the money. Your five year old cannot write better, that's just silly. I've strung 76,000 words together actually. The comment about sending someone round will not go in your favour, it will backfire. Yay! I was useful for something: I gave her a good night's sleep!

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject.
Love Pippa x