Warrantee-Free!

Bertram was unsure what the "device" was supposed to do.

Its inventor was a man of some animation, and despite his total lack of nasal hair (and a nose, for that matter) Bertram believed he was trustworthy. But the "device"(always the inventor referred to it with the "air quotes") was a concern. The wires made Bertram distinctly twitchy, as did the high-pitched whine (reminiscent of his third wife before her afternoon "dosing") was starting to get on his nerves.

Also, Bertram was somewhat concerned about how much he had started bleeding from the eyes when near the "device", but this worry was offset (somewhat) by the gargantuan increase in the proportions of his "happy place".

The Skwib is Alltop's happy place. From Toulouse Le Grandfig in the Land of the Future, originally published in 2007.