Song Parodies: “The Scorpion King” & “Oy, It’s the Borg”

Originally published May 17, 2002, in Comics Buyer’s Guide #1487

Every so often, for no discernible reason, I get song parody notions in my head. And when that happens, my only choice is to write them down. Here are two recent ones cause, y’know… why not?

“THE SCORPION KING”

(set to “The Pirate King” from Pirates of Penzance)

 

Oh, better far to live and die

As a three-ton bug in CGI

Than spend my life with an eyebrow raised

While wrestling fans get completely crazed.

Then Mummy Returns made a pile of dough

The studio wants a sequel, so

I’m finally out of the wrestling ring

Because I’ve become

The Scorp…

…ion…

King

 

Foooooorrrrrrr…

I am the Scorpion King.

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

It is! Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

 

I stand around and I flex each pec

Because the script is a total wreck.

My screen debut was a bit absurd

Since I did not speak a single word.

But when you’re known as a wrestling god

The fans spaz out at your slightest nod.

So acting lessons don’t mean a thing

When you get to be

The Scorp… ion… king

 

Foooorrrrrr

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

It is! Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

 

I slaughter enemies left and right

And keep my buns looking nice and tight.

I pound opponents, I snarl and hiss

I can’t believe I get paid for this.

The women want me; the men, they quake

My death last time was a big mistake.

‘Cause I’m a franchise, ka-ching, ka-ching

The number one film

Is “Scorpion King”

 

Foooorrrrrr

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

It is! Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

 

Now Andre showed off his gentle side

When he played Fezzik in Princess Bride

And Peter Parker fights “Macho Man”

Who does whatever a Macho can

And Hulk and Jesse, they had their shot

Their film endeavors were not too hot

But I will swear by this sword I swing

I’ll keep kicking butt

As Scorp…

…ion…

King

 

Foooorrrrrr

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

I am the Scorpion King

And it is, it is a glorious thing to be the Scorpion King

It is! Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

Hurrah for the Scorpion King!

 * * *

 

“OY, IT’S THE BORG”

(to the tune of “Joy to the World” by Hoyt Axton)

 

Jeri Ryan was a Borg Girl

Was a Borg girl of mine

She wore a black catsuit and a Wonder Bra

And they called her Seven of Nine

And she always was a mighty fine Nine

 

Oy, it’s the Borg

All the Borg and girls

Uh-similating everything they see

Borg are you and me.

 

I wish I was the Queen of the Borg

Tell you what I’d do

I’d get rid of Picard, Data and Jane-uh-way

And I’d make sweet love to Q.

Said, I’d make sweet love to Q.

 

Oy, it’s the Borg

All the Borg and girls

Uh-similating everything they see

Borg are you and me.

 

Resistance is so futile

In everything they do.

When their cube goes flying

All the folks start dying

Watch out kids, they’re coming for you

I said to watch out, they’re coming for you.

 

Oy, it’s the Borg

All the Borg and girls

Uh-similating everything they see

Borg to you and me

 

(Peter David can be written to at Second Age, Inc., P.O. Box 239, Bayport, NY 11705. Song requests will be taken.)