GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH
Obviously. When I started this blog, I was resolved to update it regularly. But it's been a couple months since I last posted.
That's because I've been busy finishing my new Forgotten Realms novel and teaching online. But now the book is done (at least until my editor kicks it back for rewrites), and I have a somewhat better handle on the online teaching gig. So maybe I can do the blog more often. For the time being, anyway.
This will be kind of a grab-bag, catch-up post.
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The best movies I've seen so far this summer: Drag Me to Hell, The Hangover, Bruno, and Funny People. The common denominator (aside from the fact that three are comedies and Drag Me to Hell actually has a lot of humor in it, too) is that they all feel like stories somebody was actually enthusiastic about telling. As opposed to many other recent movies, where, even when they were enjoyable, you could sit and watch the filmmakers following the official Hollywood formula for a successful summer movie, checking off the beats one by one.
Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian is an example of what I mean. It's fairly entertaining, thanks mainly to Hank Azaria channeling Boris Karloff and Amy Adams reminding us of every plucky tomboy heroine from the movies of the 30's. But it's Product with a capital P.
And the reason I'm singling it out is because it was written by Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant. Who also write and appear on Reno 911, a show that's a hundred times funnier than NatM 2. I think it's safe to say that you can tell where these guys are following the recipe, and where they're having fun and letting their creativity run wild.
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The worst movie I've seen this summer: Terminator: Salvation. Nothing else comes close. If you can get through all the sappy, heavy-handed symbolism of "the human heart" without throwing up in your mouth a little, shame on you.
Something did occur to me as I was watching the movie, though. Kind of a tip, which I will pass along:
If you're an unstoppable, superstrong juggernaut trying to kill some puny human with your bare hands, don't pick him up, throw him, walk over to where he landed, pick him up, throw him, walk over to where he landed, etc.
You're just begging for him to make it to the dangling electrical cable, steam pipe, forklift, or whatever else he needs to kill you.
Grab him, hold onto him, and squeeze his neck until you crush his windpipe and his spines breaks. Or beat his skull to mush. Either way.
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Harry Potter and the Half-Missing Exposition
I caught the new Potter movie, and found many things to like about it. But, like all the Potter movies except the first one, it contains elements that make no sense.
At least they make no sense to me, who only read the first novel. I'm told that if you've read the entire series, all is clear. But it's poor storytelling to film an adaptation that only makes sense to people familiar with the source material.
Why is the potion book important, anyway? Why does it need to be hidden? I saw the flick, and I have no idea.
And are the good adult wizards (Dumbledore excluded) doing anything to counter the growing threat of Voldemort? Or are they capable of nothing but fretting and getting picked off whenever the enemy decides to grease them? That's the way it looks in the movie.
I know Harry's the Chosen One, but still, come on! Even if the good adults are scared to face Voldemort, they could try to destroy his followers. Or leave burning bags of dog shit on their porches, ring their doorbells, and run. Something.
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My conventions appearances between now and the end of the year: Gen Con (August, Indianapolis), Spooky Empire (October, Orlando, Saturday only, probably), and Necronomicon (October, St. Petersburg.) If you're going to any of them, I hope we run into each other.
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Finally, I'd like to enlist your help in an important cause. I assume you support the rights of the unborn, and likewise the right to bear arms. It follows, then, that you support the right of the unborn to bear arms.
More than two hundred years after the Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution, the Federal government is finally taking practical steps to guarantee this fundamental right. House Bill 12344321.1221 requires every expectant mother to have a loaded handgun surgically implanted during the first trimester. I urge you to contact your Congressman and express your support. Otherwise, the terrorists win.