Jaipur Diaries

Since 26th Jan fell on a Monday, we had a two day long weekend. In my workplace which is quite a minge when it comes to granting leave, this was a windfall. Throw in a couple of days for “my son/dog/granny has a bad tummy” kind of casual leaves and one has a neat vacation going. So we i.e. son junior, his lady friend and I decided to visit Jaipur. I wanted to see the Litt Fest, they wanted to go a-forting.

23rd was spent packing, getting oil and fuel checked in the car, picking up lady friend from her work place and driving off. The highway was smooth and there wasn’t much traffic apart from one bottle neck. I had been warned that the road is horrible and we should take a driver, but we encountered no such thing. We’d booked a couple of rooms in an old style haveli in Amer. Hotel Amer View, which I think is total paisa vasool.





Good comfortable beds, clean rooms, nice hospitality, and very beautiful. Imagine falling to sleep looking at this kind of ceiling!



The next day, fresh and breakfasted we went to the Jaipur Litt Fest. It was chaotic to say the least. Imagine letting loose a crowd more suited for the Pragati Maidan sort of trade fair into a venue more suited for less than half of the number. Imagine advertising it as an “no entry or registration required”and then wanting them to get a badge at the entrance. And then imagine having a crowd waiting to get those badges and blocking the people who have to exit from the same goddamn way!

In that chaos you have college kids, little Pinky and Chunnu whith their Mummy and Papa, who spend time telling the children that they have to sit quietly and listen to Hon’ble Sh Abdul Kalam quietly and not make a noise. I head Papa tell Chunnu that twice and then decided to forge ahead without the badge. While I pushed through the checkpost, I heard Papa starting his lecture the third time. And then I walked in through the narrow entrance-cum-exit wishing I was Moses and the sea of people would part for me.

It did not.

It was nightmarish! Stampedes happen in places like that. It took me a good five minutes of being buffeted to and fro until I won safe passage into the fair. Phew!

Verdict : They should train with Pragati Maidan before holding the next Litt Fest or at least make separate entry and exits.  It is a stampede waiting to happen.

Well remember the crowd at the entrance? That was nothing compared to the crowd at the venue. But, mercifully, it was controlled chaos – or so I thought as I wandered into the huge stall set up by Amazon where I bought two books. I was walking out when it seemed the whole world and its neighbour landed up. I got pushed into a place where I spotted a chiar and lunged for it and decided to sit out the rush to wherever. It seemed that the crowd had the same idea. I clung to my chair, feet planted firm, backside in place while the crowd swarmed around me and settled around me. The announcer said, “We present to you the former President Shri Abdul J Kalam.”

Holy Cow! Meri toh lottery nikal gayi!

He, sadly, wasn’t appreciative of moi’s presence in his talk. He came, announced that all the adults could leave because his talk was for kids. He would give us ten minutes. So what do you do when the former President of India makes that announcement and sits in total silence staring at his watch? You get up and leave. Yes you do.

I made my way to the Google Tent and caught a bit of “Novel Cures”: Ella Berthoud and Indrajit Hazra in conversation with Samit Basu. I also met a couple of blogger friends like Purba Ray and Rekha Kakkar. On my way out I met a blogger I haven’t yet interacted with Sudha G.

I had lost the son and his friend in this Kumbh Ka Mela and so I set out to locate them. Cellphones did not work, the network was down and so was the wi fi. That is when I had a couple of celebrity moments. I met someone who said I looked just like my FB pics and she loved my book called Hilawi. I was flattered. I also walked past a couple of kids who seriously debated whether I was an author or not. That was cute!

I found the son listening with rapt attention to Rajdip Sardesai at Charbagh. The talk was “Deconstructing Change: The Election That Changed India”: Rajdeep Sardesai in conversation with Madhu Trehan and Mihir Sharma. That was interesting.

After the talk, since lady friend was bored and pissed, we decided to move.

Someone please hand me the national award for bravery.

It was around that time that the former President decided to leave. The crowds engulfed us. Pushed and shoved around I found myself near a fountain and I sat down on its stone parapet to wait out the crowds. A woman actually climbed my feet to get a closer view of the great man.

I yelled Excuse me!

She : Sorry but that is Abdul Kalam

Me : These are my feet @$@$#

The lady says half apologetically, “I did not get to see him at all”

I nearly murmured, God is great.

Son saw me in conversation with the lady and came.  He introduced himself very politely.  The lady wisely melted into the crowd.

Just re-read the blog post and I think it should be called

How not to “do”Jaipur LItt Fest

Not unless you’re invited to speak in it and looked after by an entourage. Sigh! One day, when I grow up I will not be a minnow in a pool of sharks. Perhaps.

 

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