Hey, Get Off My Lawn!

Have you ever tried to incorporate a popular trend (such as zombies or vampires) into your own work? Have you ever felt pressure to do so to increase sales/circulation?

Some people have referred to me as Mr. Anti-Trend.

To wit:

When bell bottoms and flares were all the rage (way back when), I would only wear straight leg pants. Five years after that, when straight leg jeans were in, I was sporting flares.

I do not own a smartphone (I refuse to get a phone smarter than me).

You know those skintight leggings that runners have been wearing for a decade? I don’t own any. Instead, I run in baggy sweatpants (the same ones I’ve owned for probably a decade).

Don’t own any Apple products. My MP3 player is a Sansa.

I never rollerbladed or went to spinning class. 

I didn’t start watching Breaking Bad until the series had already ended.

I’m not on Instagram or Pinterest or Tsu or Reddit or StumbleBumble or whatever.

I don’t know the difference between a mocha, a macchiato, an espresso, a frappuccino, a cappuccino, a whatheheckuccino, a latte, and a flat white (although that last one sounds like the paint color I used for my wife’s dressing room). I think there’s coffee involved, right?

I still own luggage without wheels.

When I read a newspaper in the morning, I read a newspaper.

Sometimes I wear a watch on my wrist. One whose only function is to tell time.

In fact, I’m so untrendy I don’t even know what the current trends are!

I guess my answer to this question is obvious: No, I don’t write to any current trends. I write what I want, and figure if I like it, there must be someone else out there, somewhere, who might like it too.

Now, can anyone help me program my Betamax?

(This entry is simul-posted on Criminal Minds .)