Dom/Sub Interviews take two!
Dom/Sub Interviews
Thundermoon-Dom
1.) How long have you been leading the Dom/sub life style? I have been active in BDSM for about sixteen years now as a Dom. Had interests in it for much longer but I was not active.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Dom? I have always been interested in a dominate role. I have had a mostly dominate look on life all my life.
3.) Have you ever been a sub? No I have never been a sub. Although I have bottomed on many occasions in order to learn a new skill or just how a tool actually feels instead of guessing
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace or have you ever brought a sub to sub space? I have done both, achieved sub space a few times and also given that to many different people many times over.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? I am a 24/7 master to my 24/7 slave although it is impossible to act as many would want 24/7 the relationship is still 24/7 most of the active play/scening is in the bedroom only because of children in the home.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? Honestly, I would prefer to never punish but know it is a needed thing and use a paddle or cane for punishment. And always make the bottom count the strokes and thank me for the punishment for their offense.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I prefer to cuddle and just hold each other when it is a public scene in a more private scene the cuddling usually ends up being sexual.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? Yes I have.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? My mind actually is, but other than that it would be a signel tail whip.
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? To be more open in the public. Be able to be who I am in public without having to fear what others think of me.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That 24/7 means there is an active scene gong 24/7 when it is not.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." You said you have, however does that mean that you yourself have never reached "subspace?" Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? As I stated above I have been in subspace and also as a Dom I have been in a similar place I call Dom space. It is different but similar I feel I actually join with the bottom in the heightened euphoria they are in. for a top/Dom this can be a dangerous place to be because it is easy to lose control of the scene when this happens.
13.) What was your very first Dom experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than an aggressive lover? Actually I cannot truly remember the first time I Dommed a person it started way back when I was actually a child without involving sex.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience as a Dom? If so can you explain how? Yes I have. Anything that you do can back fire. I have triggered a PTSD flashback in bottoms before and also left unintentional marks on people for extended periods of time like months instead of days. There is a risk any time you scene with someone that something may go wrong.
15.) Do you prefer to have one sub to yourself? Or are you a master multitasker? Having more than one sub at a time? I honestly do not have a preference of just one sub/slave it does make things easier but I do enjoy having more than one person to play with and have sex with if things go that way.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? I believe that there is both a Dom and sub in everyone it is just a matter of which is stronger in the person or they prefer to train to the top of themselves.
17.) Do you like for your sub to be a complete submissive? Or do you like for her...or him to have some fire some fight in them? Fire inside is always a good thing for a sub. I do not want a robot to serve me. I prefer someone who can hold a conversation with me and is strong enough to tell me I am wrong in something if I truly am or at least give me there opinion of a situation.
18.) Do you have or have you had male subs before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a male sub if the conditions were right? Yes I have had a couple male subs. There are as many differences in the two sexes as Sub/slave as there is in there mental states. I am actually hoping to find a male again someday.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Dom and what is the one thing you HATE or
dislike about being a Dom? I love being the center of attention. I dislike having to not be as open as I wish I could out in public;
20.) What would your perfect sub be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and
emotional state? This is hard to say honestly I do like all types of female body types. I do not want a obese woman the ones who are unhealthy but a health BBW is alright. I do prefer smaller ladies and men over larger ones but like them to have a little padding. As far as mental and emotional I prefer them to be truly healthy there and not needy for affections.
Thundesahti interview-Thundermoon’s personal Sub.
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? About 20 + years. I started out doing the sub/bottom aspect of things, and then found that I had a desire to top. So I started doing that while still bottoming for my partner at the time. I was still in the learning stage and finding myself. After I left that relationship I started actually learning what it was to be a more skilled Domme.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I kind of fell into it by accident. I had a friend who held meetings for the local bdsm community at his shop. And I attended them. Mainly the play parties at that time. I found that I enjoyed bottoming and was a natural masochist. That took me into subbing to a certain extent
3.) Have you ever been a Dom? Yes, on and off through the years I have been a Domme. In fact I was a Domme for quite a while when I lived in Ohio and kept the fact that I bottomed in the closet for fear that it would hurt my reputation.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? Yes I have, it takes some work on the part of the Dom/Top to get me there, but I tend to fly pretty high once the scene reaches a certain level. It’s part of what I like about scening.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? I live it 24/7, and it’s not what people think it is in many ways. What looks Vanilla on the surface is actually part of the lifestyle because it is all interwoven for me. I’m very service oriented.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? To me punishment is not just physical, it has a lot of mental overtones, so my favorite form of punishment is tailored to the submissive, to be honest, it is what is most effective to make sure they understand that they have crossed boundaries and won’t do it again. Punishment should not be enjoyable.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I prefer to give(or receive)a good massage
8.) with almond oil, making sure that all the welts etc. are seen to and the skin will stay supple. It is both physical and emotional reassurance.
9.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? Yes I think I have. But sometimes it is hard not to do so because no matter how much you try to negotiate things out, people will not be as forthcoming as you hope and you say or do things that are unfortunate.
10.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? A good cane or riding crop, I love them to death, the feeling that you get from them in your hand, or striking your skin is beyond compare.
11.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be?
12.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That depends on which end of the spectrum you are coming from. Within the kink community, I’d say it is that it will solve all your relationship problems and that kinksters are superior in their relationships to Vanillas. From the outside I would say that the biggest misconception is that kink is abuse.
13.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? There is an equivalent to subspace for Dom/mes called Topsapce. It is very different than supspace, in that you have to maintain a certain level of control as you ride it, so that you can exercise judgment in taking care of the person under your whip. But the adrenaline etc. is similar. It’s very predatory.
14.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than an submissive lover. My first subspace really was incredible, I had never experienced it before and it blew my mind. All I could say afterward was “wow”… A lot of people will tell you that subspace is like doing drugs, and it is. It is like riding a high that has no real description, and you can feel like your emotions and the world are all flooding you at one time. There is a sense of connection between submissive and Dom/me that is just amazing.
15.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? Yes, I have had a very bad experience with a Dom, he tried to mentally and emotionally manipulate me beyond what I wanted to give him willingly. It was a dark time for me.
16.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I prefer to have one Dom only.
17.) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? No I do not believe there is a sub in all women. I think that some people/women have a submissive personality, and some do not. If a person has that desire within them and wishes to express it that’s terrific and healthy, but if they do not wish to express it then forcing them to do so is unhealthy.
18.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? I love for him to be in control. It’s a great turn on for me to know that he has that capability. But, I also like to know that he respects my individuality. That’s why he picked me as his. The playfulness that exists between us is beautiful.
19.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I would not submit to another woman. I was seriously abused by a female in my childhood.
20.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love serving, to be honest. I truly do. It’s part of my basic makeup, to give myself to one person and one person only in this manner. What I hate most is that there are a lot of people in the kink community who think if you are a submissive that means you should serve them too automatically and that is never happening.
21.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? I already have him.
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Rodaslago interview-sub
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? Two years, out.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I actually read the 50 shades books, that wasn't enough, I then transitioned to harder bdsm novels and a former friend introduced me to Fetlife, which started my official journey.
3.) Have you ever been a Dom? No, I haven't.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? Subspace as others have described is pretty elusive for me. I have nearly passed out twice at the peak of a scene.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? A combination. I am 24/7 service submissive, but only physically kinky in the bedroom.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? I don't usually get punished.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" Immediately after the scene, I like attention and hugs. For the next few days, attention and rest helps.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? I think I do cross the line, because I am more switch in personality, I also have a lot of freedom from my Sir, so I will often speak with subs and Doms, regardless of their position in the D/s. I know that some Doms feel that a "sub" should know their place, but I am pretty outspoken.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? I like the St. Andrews cross.
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? Subs would not be doormats.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That women have no power and are taken advantage of.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? I do think that Doms can get into topspace, they enjoy what they are doing and do exert themselves. Because headspace is related to hormone release, everyone involved can get it.
13.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than a submissive lover. Hmmm. I had met a guy online, via POF. After talking a bit, he concluded I was a sub, and began treating me as such. He would request things, I would comply, a long distance type of D/s situation. But it wasn't until I met my Sir, that I really accepted my submission. I considered myself a feminist and the idea of doing everything someone else told me to do was scary. But my Sir, allows me to be me, while doing what comes naturally serving.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? I have, a Dom claiming to be a Daddy Dom. He was in an "open relationship. After a small scene and sex, he asked that I not mention this to his gf/babygirl, because she wouldn't understand. That is not how to act as a Dom. Said Dom has since spread rumors about my Sir, other friends and myself.
15.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I prefer one, simply because I have serious trust issues, and it takes a while to earn that. However, I have and am open to allowing other Doms to top me with my Sir or with his permission.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? No, I don't. I think that being a sub is a natural occurrence, but just as some men aren't subs, some women aren't either.
17.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? I prefer a nice mix, it keeps things from getting stagnant.
18.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I have not had a Domme.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love not having to have the power all the time. I love someone caring about what I do, how I look and how I feel. I don't like the idea in the back of my mind, that as the sub, I don't have a say.
20.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? I would prefer a Dom who is a strong presence, with a gentle side. physical appearance is not that big of a deal. But I want a Dom who is confident and sure of himself. Any lack there of makes me question his authority.
Anonymous Sub/Switch
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? 2 and 1/2 years
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I've always been turned on by the idea of sexual submission. I understood this about myself even as a child. A few years ago a man asked me to enter into this type of relationship with him. He and I never got around to actually beginning the relationship but after that I began to think about taking it from fantasy and making it reality. I went online and discovered both Fetlife and Ok Cupid and found the man I am with now.
3.) Have you ever been a Domme? No.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? I'm really not sure. I know that when I'm being struck hard and am told to not move, the only way I can do it is to shut off my conscious mind and "zone out". I go to a place where I can't really hear or speak or think, I just focus on breathing and being. It's hard to get there and hard to leave once I am there. But I know that others describe subspace as a high from endorphins, a lovely floatie feeling. I've never had that.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? 24/7
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? I don't enjoy punishment. We don't do M/s for grins and giggles. I love being over his knee for a few playful smacks but that's rare. My punishments are both mental and physical and I despise them.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I'd like to be held and touched and spoken to lovingly. To use the moment to come closer mentally and spiritually.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? I apparently cross lines constantly with my M. I am never willfully belligerent or disrespectful but I do have trouble knowing when to just shut the fuck up and cross over into slave mentality. Slave mentality is new for me and I'm struggling with it. I want to submit fully but I am finding it difficult. But it is uppermost in my mind these days. If I don't find it, this relationship isn't going to satisfy either of us anymore. It's terra nova for me. I was briefly in a D/s relationship with a woman and I found that I was not willing to submit to her. I broke her rules because they were not in line with my own wishes. I always confessed to her and accepted punishment but I did not regret my actions.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? My M has created a fuck toy from a dildo and a reciprocating saw. It is the most incredible creation ever. I love it beyond words. He also bought a stockade that keeps me immobile and I really enjoy that too. I off and on dated a man who used floggers. He didn't use them in a way that caused much pain and the sensations of the variety were fun. It went from soothing and soft to hard and thuddy and back again. It often felt like massage. The floggers were pretty much the reason I continued to see him!
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? Mine personally? A better understanding of what He wants from me and how to give it in a way that satisfies us both. The D/s world? I'm not concerned with it.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That involvement in it necessarily indicates mental or emotional issues. Or that it's all about leather and whips and subjugation. That it's unhealthy across the board. Or that the world of 50 Shades really exists.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? I imagine the high is possible for them too.
13.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than a submissive lover? If I pinpoint a moment, it would probably be the first meeting of my M. We'd been together in his car for hours (we took a very long drive) and had already fucked and we were deciding whether he should take me home or to his place. He said he'd like to take me to his house so I could cook and clean for him. When I realized that yes, I wanted to do that for him, I knew I was in it for more than the sex.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? No harm has come to me from anyone that I've been involved with. Any damage that has occurred has been by my own choice to be in a situation that I fully understood could be volatile. Largely it's been my pride and ego that have been hurt more than my body. And when I realized that I was unwilling to be submissive to a particular person, I left the relationship.
15.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I briefly tried to be in a power exchange with both my M and the woman I mentioned a few questions above. I know now that I want only to submit to Him. And I'm also now aware that I can't share him with anyone else either. I'm fine with occasional play with others as long as each of us is present but I cannot handle sharing his affection and attention with another woman.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? Hmmm. It's primal. Perhaps on a physical level but I regarded this desire as shameful and deviant and kept it very secret so it's likely other women do the same. It's also possible that the maternal drive to serve and nurture another human at our own expense gets tangled up in the desire to serve and please sexually as well. Instinctually many women feel the pull towards a person who can protect and provide for her and that too gets mixed up in sexual desire -- to be cared for but also controlled.
17.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? These two things need not be separated. Yes I want him in control but I also want a pleasant life with fun and play, lighthearted moments, pleasure and joy. I like to laugh and I need to be able to make light of stress in order to process it and get through it.
18.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I wasn't in my relationship with her long enough to be able to really get a sense of the difference. Mainly I resented her trying to take away what I wanted to have. She was trying to act in what she felt would be my best interest but I wasn't willing to give her that control. And that's why I ended it. But that's also my truggle with my M. Difference is I'm deeply and shockingly in love with him and am willing to go to extraordinary lengths, whatever he wants, to please him. I'll remake myself for him -- and me -- but I won't do this for anyone else. Just for him and me.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love our complete devotion to each other and to our relationship. And the sex is sublime. I dislike my thoughts and opinions being dismissed as flawed and of no worth.
20.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? Very close to what I have now. Confident, competent, fearless, passionate, devoted and connected. Highly intelligent, able to offer me more than what I have on my own, and willing to invest in me and in us fully. I mean emotionally and spiritually even more than materially. Physically fit and strong and so handsome that my eyes glaze over. I do hope that someday he will let me more into his own mind. He is an endless well of knowledge and experiences and he wants to teach me much. But I'd like to hear the chatter in his head in order to connect with him more.
This concludes my interviews. All these people were very kind to open up their personal lives to me and let me get a glimpse into such a personal, taboo(depending on who you ask) and sexual part of their lives. I really love doing these interviews, I believe it clears up a lot of preconceived notions and stipulations that people have about this lifestyle. I think more people might be open to this kind of a life style if they understood it more and not rely on what they think they know or what Hollywood wants us to know. I want to thank everyone that participated in the interviews and I hope all of you enjoy it and maybe learn something or even question something. Thanks Shaunna Peterson
Thundermoon-Dom
1.) How long have you been leading the Dom/sub life style? I have been active in BDSM for about sixteen years now as a Dom. Had interests in it for much longer but I was not active.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Dom? I have always been interested in a dominate role. I have had a mostly dominate look on life all my life.
3.) Have you ever been a sub? No I have never been a sub. Although I have bottomed on many occasions in order to learn a new skill or just how a tool actually feels instead of guessing
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace or have you ever brought a sub to sub space? I have done both, achieved sub space a few times and also given that to many different people many times over.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? I am a 24/7 master to my 24/7 slave although it is impossible to act as many would want 24/7 the relationship is still 24/7 most of the active play/scening is in the bedroom only because of children in the home.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? Honestly, I would prefer to never punish but know it is a needed thing and use a paddle or cane for punishment. And always make the bottom count the strokes and thank me for the punishment for their offense.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I prefer to cuddle and just hold each other when it is a public scene in a more private scene the cuddling usually ends up being sexual.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? Yes I have.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? My mind actually is, but other than that it would be a signel tail whip.
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? To be more open in the public. Be able to be who I am in public without having to fear what others think of me.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That 24/7 means there is an active scene gong 24/7 when it is not.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." You said you have, however does that mean that you yourself have never reached "subspace?" Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? As I stated above I have been in subspace and also as a Dom I have been in a similar place I call Dom space. It is different but similar I feel I actually join with the bottom in the heightened euphoria they are in. for a top/Dom this can be a dangerous place to be because it is easy to lose control of the scene when this happens.
13.) What was your very first Dom experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than an aggressive lover? Actually I cannot truly remember the first time I Dommed a person it started way back when I was actually a child without involving sex.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience as a Dom? If so can you explain how? Yes I have. Anything that you do can back fire. I have triggered a PTSD flashback in bottoms before and also left unintentional marks on people for extended periods of time like months instead of days. There is a risk any time you scene with someone that something may go wrong.
15.) Do you prefer to have one sub to yourself? Or are you a master multitasker? Having more than one sub at a time? I honestly do not have a preference of just one sub/slave it does make things easier but I do enjoy having more than one person to play with and have sex with if things go that way.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? I believe that there is both a Dom and sub in everyone it is just a matter of which is stronger in the person or they prefer to train to the top of themselves.
17.) Do you like for your sub to be a complete submissive? Or do you like for her...or him to have some fire some fight in them? Fire inside is always a good thing for a sub. I do not want a robot to serve me. I prefer someone who can hold a conversation with me and is strong enough to tell me I am wrong in something if I truly am or at least give me there opinion of a situation.
18.) Do you have or have you had male subs before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a male sub if the conditions were right? Yes I have had a couple male subs. There are as many differences in the two sexes as Sub/slave as there is in there mental states. I am actually hoping to find a male again someday.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Dom and what is the one thing you HATE or
dislike about being a Dom? I love being the center of attention. I dislike having to not be as open as I wish I could out in public;
20.) What would your perfect sub be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and
emotional state? This is hard to say honestly I do like all types of female body types. I do not want a obese woman the ones who are unhealthy but a health BBW is alright. I do prefer smaller ladies and men over larger ones but like them to have a little padding. As far as mental and emotional I prefer them to be truly healthy there and not needy for affections.
Thundesahti interview-Thundermoon’s personal Sub.
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? About 20 + years. I started out doing the sub/bottom aspect of things, and then found that I had a desire to top. So I started doing that while still bottoming for my partner at the time. I was still in the learning stage and finding myself. After I left that relationship I started actually learning what it was to be a more skilled Domme.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I kind of fell into it by accident. I had a friend who held meetings for the local bdsm community at his shop. And I attended them. Mainly the play parties at that time. I found that I enjoyed bottoming and was a natural masochist. That took me into subbing to a certain extent
3.) Have you ever been a Dom? Yes, on and off through the years I have been a Domme. In fact I was a Domme for quite a while when I lived in Ohio and kept the fact that I bottomed in the closet for fear that it would hurt my reputation.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? Yes I have, it takes some work on the part of the Dom/Top to get me there, but I tend to fly pretty high once the scene reaches a certain level. It’s part of what I like about scening.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? I live it 24/7, and it’s not what people think it is in many ways. What looks Vanilla on the surface is actually part of the lifestyle because it is all interwoven for me. I’m very service oriented.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? To me punishment is not just physical, it has a lot of mental overtones, so my favorite form of punishment is tailored to the submissive, to be honest, it is what is most effective to make sure they understand that they have crossed boundaries and won’t do it again. Punishment should not be enjoyable.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I prefer to give(or receive)a good massage
8.) with almond oil, making sure that all the welts etc. are seen to and the skin will stay supple. It is both physical and emotional reassurance.
9.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? Yes I think I have. But sometimes it is hard not to do so because no matter how much you try to negotiate things out, people will not be as forthcoming as you hope and you say or do things that are unfortunate.
10.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? A good cane or riding crop, I love them to death, the feeling that you get from them in your hand, or striking your skin is beyond compare.
11.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be?
12.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That depends on which end of the spectrum you are coming from. Within the kink community, I’d say it is that it will solve all your relationship problems and that kinksters are superior in their relationships to Vanillas. From the outside I would say that the biggest misconception is that kink is abuse.
13.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? There is an equivalent to subspace for Dom/mes called Topsapce. It is very different than supspace, in that you have to maintain a certain level of control as you ride it, so that you can exercise judgment in taking care of the person under your whip. But the adrenaline etc. is similar. It’s very predatory.
14.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than an submissive lover. My first subspace really was incredible, I had never experienced it before and it blew my mind. All I could say afterward was “wow”… A lot of people will tell you that subspace is like doing drugs, and it is. It is like riding a high that has no real description, and you can feel like your emotions and the world are all flooding you at one time. There is a sense of connection between submissive and Dom/me that is just amazing.
15.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? Yes, I have had a very bad experience with a Dom, he tried to mentally and emotionally manipulate me beyond what I wanted to give him willingly. It was a dark time for me.
16.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I prefer to have one Dom only.
17.) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? No I do not believe there is a sub in all women. I think that some people/women have a submissive personality, and some do not. If a person has that desire within them and wishes to express it that’s terrific and healthy, but if they do not wish to express it then forcing them to do so is unhealthy.
18.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? I love for him to be in control. It’s a great turn on for me to know that he has that capability. But, I also like to know that he respects my individuality. That’s why he picked me as his. The playfulness that exists between us is beautiful.
19.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I would not submit to another woman. I was seriously abused by a female in my childhood.
20.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love serving, to be honest. I truly do. It’s part of my basic makeup, to give myself to one person and one person only in this manner. What I hate most is that there are a lot of people in the kink community who think if you are a submissive that means you should serve them too automatically and that is never happening.
21.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? I already have him.
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Rodaslago interview-sub
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? Two years, out.
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I actually read the 50 shades books, that wasn't enough, I then transitioned to harder bdsm novels and a former friend introduced me to Fetlife, which started my official journey.
3.) Have you ever been a Dom? No, I haven't.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? Subspace as others have described is pretty elusive for me. I have nearly passed out twice at the peak of a scene.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? A combination. I am 24/7 service submissive, but only physically kinky in the bedroom.
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? I don't usually get punished.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" Immediately after the scene, I like attention and hugs. For the next few days, attention and rest helps.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? I think I do cross the line, because I am more switch in personality, I also have a lot of freedom from my Sir, so I will often speak with subs and Doms, regardless of their position in the D/s. I know that some Doms feel that a "sub" should know their place, but I am pretty outspoken.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? I like the St. Andrews cross.
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? Subs would not be doormats.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That women have no power and are taken advantage of.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? I do think that Doms can get into topspace, they enjoy what they are doing and do exert themselves. Because headspace is related to hormone release, everyone involved can get it.
13.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than a submissive lover. Hmmm. I had met a guy online, via POF. After talking a bit, he concluded I was a sub, and began treating me as such. He would request things, I would comply, a long distance type of D/s situation. But it wasn't until I met my Sir, that I really accepted my submission. I considered myself a feminist and the idea of doing everything someone else told me to do was scary. But my Sir, allows me to be me, while doing what comes naturally serving.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? I have, a Dom claiming to be a Daddy Dom. He was in an "open relationship. After a small scene and sex, he asked that I not mention this to his gf/babygirl, because she wouldn't understand. That is not how to act as a Dom. Said Dom has since spread rumors about my Sir, other friends and myself.
15.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I prefer one, simply because I have serious trust issues, and it takes a while to earn that. However, I have and am open to allowing other Doms to top me with my Sir or with his permission.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? No, I don't. I think that being a sub is a natural occurrence, but just as some men aren't subs, some women aren't either.
17.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? I prefer a nice mix, it keeps things from getting stagnant.
18.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I have not had a Domme.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love not having to have the power all the time. I love someone caring about what I do, how I look and how I feel. I don't like the idea in the back of my mind, that as the sub, I don't have a say.
20.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? I would prefer a Dom who is a strong presence, with a gentle side. physical appearance is not that big of a deal. But I want a Dom who is confident and sure of himself. Any lack there of makes me question his authority.
Anonymous Sub/Switch
1.) How long have you lived the lifestyle of a sub or a switch? 2 and 1/2 years
2.) What got you interested in becoming a Sub or switch? I've always been turned on by the idea of sexual submission. I understood this about myself even as a child. A few years ago a man asked me to enter into this type of relationship with him. He and I never got around to actually beginning the relationship but after that I began to think about taking it from fantasy and making it reality. I went online and discovered both Fetlife and Ok Cupid and found the man I am with now.
3.) Have you ever been a Domme? No.
4.) I am researching the term "sub space," Have you ever achieved subspace? Or brought someone else to sub space? I'm really not sure. I know that when I'm being struck hard and am told to not move, the only way I can do it is to shut off my conscious mind and "zone out". I go to a place where I can't really hear or speak or think, I just focus on breathing and being. It's hard to get there and hard to leave once I am there. But I know that others describe subspace as a high from endorphins, a lovely floatie feeling. I've never had that.
5.) Do you lead the life style 24/7 or only in the bedroom? 24/7
6.) What is your favorite form of punishment and why? I don't enjoy punishment. We don't do M/s for grins and giggles. I love being over his knee for a few playful smacks but that's rare. My punishments are both mental and physical and I despise them.
7.) What is your preferred method of "after care?" I'd like to be held and touched and spoken to lovingly. To use the moment to come closer mentally and spiritually.
8.) Have you ever crossed a line with a Dom or another sub that you shouldn't have or regretted later on? I apparently cross lines constantly with my M. I am never willfully belligerent or disrespectful but I do have trouble knowing when to just shut the fuck up and cross over into slave mentality. Slave mentality is new for me and I'm struggling with it. I want to submit fully but I am finding it difficult. But it is uppermost in my mind these days. If I don't find it, this relationship isn't going to satisfy either of us anymore. It's terra nova for me. I was briefly in a D/s relationship with a woman and I found that I was not willing to submit to her. I broke her rules because they were not in line with my own wishes. I always confessed to her and accepted punishment but I did not regret my actions.
9.) What is your favorite piece of equipment? My M has created a fuck toy from a dildo and a reciprocating saw. It is the most incredible creation ever. I love it beyond words. He also bought a stockade that keeps me immobile and I really enjoy that too. I off and on dated a man who used floggers. He didn't use them in a way that caused much pain and the sensations of the variety were fun. It went from soothing and soft to hard and thuddy and back again. It often felt like massage. The floggers were pretty much the reason I continued to see him!
10.) If you could change one thing about the Dom/sub relationship or world, what would it be? Mine personally? A better understanding of what He wants from me and how to give it in a way that satisfies us both. The D/s world? I'm not concerned with it.
11.) What do you think is the biggest misconception of the BDSM lifestyle is? That involvement in it necessarily indicates mental or emotional issues. Or that it's all about leather and whips and subjugation. That it's unhealthy across the board. Or that the world of 50 Shades really exists.
12.) I asked you once before if you had ever brought a sub to "subspace." Is subspace only designated for subs? Or is it achievable for Doms too? I imagine the high is possible for them too.
13.) What was your very first Sub experience like? Can you share with me that experience of realizing you were more than a submissive lover? If I pinpoint a moment, it would probably be the first meeting of my M. We'd been together in his car for hours (we took a very long drive) and had already fucked and we were deciding whether he should take me home or to his place. He said he'd like to take me to his house so I could cook and clean for him. When I realized that yes, I wanted to do that for him, I knew I was in it for more than the sex.
14.) Have you ever had a bad experience with a Dom? If so can you explain how? No harm has come to me from anyone that I've been involved with. Any damage that has occurred has been by my own choice to be in a situation that I fully understood could be volatile. Largely it's been my pride and ego that have been hurt more than my body. And when I realized that I was unwilling to be submissive to a particular person, I left the relationship.
15.) Do you prefer to have one Dom to yourself? Or are do you have multiple Master? I briefly tried to be in a power exchange with both my M and the woman I mentioned a few questions above. I know now that I want only to submit to Him. And I'm also now aware that I can't share him with anyone else either. I'm fine with occasional play with others as long as each of us is present but I cannot handle sharing his affection and attention with another woman.
16) Do you believe that there is a sub in all women? Hmmm. It's primal. Perhaps on a physical level but I regarded this desire as shameful and deviant and kept it very secret so it's likely other women do the same. It's also possible that the maternal drive to serve and nurture another human at our own expense gets tangled up in the desire to serve and please sexually as well. Instinctually many women feel the pull towards a person who can protect and provide for her and that too gets mixed up in sexual desire -- to be cared for but also controlled.
17.) Do you like for your Dom to be in utter control? Or do you like for him or her to have a playful side too? These two things need not be separated. Yes I want him in control but I also want a pleasant life with fun and play, lighthearted moments, pleasure and joy. I like to laugh and I need to be able to make light of stress in order to process it and get through it.
18.) Do you have or have you had female Dom before? If so can you explain the difference between the two? If not, would you be willing to take on a female Dom if the conditions were right? I wasn't in my relationship with her long enough to be able to really get a sense of the difference. Mainly I resented her trying to take away what I wanted to have. She was trying to act in what she felt would be my best interest but I wasn't willing to give her that control. And that's why I ended it. But that's also my truggle with my M. Difference is I'm deeply and shockingly in love with him and am willing to go to extraordinary lengths, whatever he wants, to please him. I'll remake myself for him -- and me -- but I won't do this for anyone else. Just for him and me.
19.) What is the one thing you LOVE about being a Sub and what is the one thing you HATE or dislike about being a Sub? I love our complete devotion to each other and to our relationship. And the sex is sublime. I dislike my thoughts and opinions being dismissed as flawed and of no worth.
20.) What would your perfect Dom be like? Both in physical appearance and in mental and emotional state? Very close to what I have now. Confident, competent, fearless, passionate, devoted and connected. Highly intelligent, able to offer me more than what I have on my own, and willing to invest in me and in us fully. I mean emotionally and spiritually even more than materially. Physically fit and strong and so handsome that my eyes glaze over. I do hope that someday he will let me more into his own mind. He is an endless well of knowledge and experiences and he wants to teach me much. But I'd like to hear the chatter in his head in order to connect with him more.
This concludes my interviews. All these people were very kind to open up their personal lives to me and let me get a glimpse into such a personal, taboo(depending on who you ask) and sexual part of their lives. I really love doing these interviews, I believe it clears up a lot of preconceived notions and stipulations that people have about this lifestyle. I think more people might be open to this kind of a life style if they understood it more and not rely on what they think they know or what Hollywood wants us to know. I want to thank everyone that participated in the interviews and I hope all of you enjoy it and maybe learn something or even question something. Thanks Shaunna Peterson
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