'When I Was Just The Rusty Goat'

Now that we're well into the beginning of 'twenty-fifteen', I thought I'd update y'all on how my New Year's resolutions are coming along. I know you've been wondering. I didn't sit down and resolve myself to do anything in particular per se, but as I look back over the past few weeks, apparently I subconsciously made a resolution or two. I think we all do, knowingly or not. I personally had little to improve on. I quit smoking last year and have marked that off my bucket list. I'm not overweight and I'm spiritual in my own way, so getting my life straight was not something I needed to concentrate on. But I have made a few changes that are sure to impact my comfortable little life.
Those of you who keep up with me remember in a recent blog post I divulged that ever since I've been writing and blogging, I had kept it a secret...up until just a few weeks ago. Well, let's face it...if an author is going to sell a few books, he really is obliged to put his name on them. I've written under the guise of 'The Rusty Goat' for years now and it's getting harder and harder to cash those paltry checks with his name on them down at the grocery store. So, with much hesitation, I have begun to attach my name to more and more of my works. I suppose it's time to begin fazing out the Rusty Goat anyway. He was that legendary woman chasing Saturday night cowboy who shared all his adventures with you and a few million others all over the world. He was always good for a few laughs, but let's face it, he lacked substance. I wish to be remembered for more than all that and I've come to the realization that nobody is ever going to remember me if I don't put my name out there. And so I have, and it hasn't been easy.
I've never tooted my own horn. All my life I've always slithered around in the shadows. I was Incognito Man...hey, hold on! Have I just created a new super hero? I'll have to ponder that idea...back on track. So, all my friends and family and the folks down at the church now know I write. No, none of them really seem to care, at least not enough to buy my books, but I no longer need to wear my mask. There has been a problem or two crop up. For instance, that girl from high school now knows I've written a book. I don't think she is aware that I wrote a book about her...thank goodness she's not a reader! It was a bizarre twist of events the other night. I was cruising the dating site...you might remember I mentioned that I do that to hawk my books to unsuspecting lonely single women. An attractive woman had sunk her virtual claws into me and we struck up a virtual conversation. Within a hundred and forty characters, including spaces and punctuation, she began questioning me about my writing. As I saw my plan to sell books on dating sites falling into place, I eagerly began telling her all about my books. With the two of us enthralled in conversation, suddenly a message pops up on my facebook messenger...from the high school girlfriend. It said simply, 'So, I see you've written a book...interesting!'
I freaked out right then and there and now in panic mode, zipped straight over to Amazon.com. Well, I did't exactly zip due to the fact that my daughter was hogging the internet with her Netflix account. Anyway, leaving my new anonymous online girlfrend hanging, I eventually got the Amazon page to load and within thirty minutes (Netflix...SMH) had taken my book, 'Nineteen Seventy Something' off the market. Sweat poured from my brow as I wondered if I had made it in time before the old girlfriend had a chance to buy it. With shaky hands, I returned to the dating site to see if my new girlfriend was still on hold.
'Sorry,' I typed, 'Had a major emergency come up. You still there?' Her response came back, 'Yes, everything okay?' Well, I didn't know this woman but I really needed someone to talk to, so I told what had just happened. She seemed amused and after a few minutes she had managed to calm my fears somewhat, that is until she made a statement that made my eyes bulge in terror, for no stranger should have known what she knew! Was she...could she be...I pulled up her profile and stared hard at the pictures she had posted. I forced my memory to kick into gear...remember...remember! What would that high school girlfriend look like now, thirty something years later? Would she look like the picture I now gazed at? Was I spilling my secrets to her on this online dating site? Gripped with fear, I politely excused myself from the woman who had caught my attention and went to bed. No, I didn't sleep a wink the entire night!
The facebook message from the girl from so many years ago was still awaiting a reply when I stumbled toward the coffeepot the following morning. I had to respond. After hours of sleepless worry, I still had no idea what I would say. I had managed to convince myself that the woman on the dating site could not possibly be the old girlfriend. That had given me some room to breathe. But after dredging through a very long and foggy minded day, I sat down to the laptop that evening and pulled up the facebook message.
'So, I see you've written a book...interesting!'
It was still there waiting for my answer. What did I have to lose, I thought. Tell her, yes I have written several books and by golly, one was all about her! What could she do...scream at me over facebook? She might even be flattered. No, scratch that. I did not flatter her in my book. She wouldn't be flattered. She'd be pissed off. Well, that is an understatement, I told myself as my fingers found the keyboard. With a deep breath, I began typing my response:
"Oh that. Yeah, no big deal. Just some little thing I felt the need to scratch off my bucket list, ya know."
Minutes later, "Well cool. Send me a copy whenever you publish it and I'll critique it for you."
That was easy enough, I thought to myself as I exhaled a sigh of relief. And with that situation under control, I wandered over to the dating site in search for my new girlfriend.
"Hey girl! Whacha doing?"
"Oh hi there! I was just going over my bucket list!"
Another sleepless night...it was so much easier when I was just the Rusty Goat!