Why You Fear Intimacy

Dear Friends,

It took me 42 years to get married. It took me that long to risk being myself with a woman, to risk being known. Before that, I was convinced if anybody really knew me they wouldn’t love me. So rather than being myself, I acted like somebody who I thought people would like. I played a role. And it almost cost me my soul. And my life.

My new book Scary Close comes out in a matter of days. There’s a chapter in the book in which I talk about the three things that kept me from being intimate.

The first thing was that I believed I had to be perfect or nobody would accept me. Over time, though, I noticed people tend to be drawn to those who are comfortable in their own skin, regardless of their flaws.

The second thing I realized was that most of the fears I experienced about getting close to somebody were actually just me being afraid of change. Even though I was lonely, I was comfortable because loneliness had become familiar and intimacy was so unfamiliar.

I wonder how many people miss out on a great life because they’re comfortable in their mediocre life?

Finally, the third thing that kept me from intimacy was a lack of trust. Deep down I realized I believed people weren’t good and couldn’t be trusted. In other words, I refused to trust people because I didn’t believe they could be trusted in the first place. And trust is the foundation of intimacy.

It was quite an adventure figuring out how to love and be loved. I wish the path was straight and easy, or there was a formula, but I don’t know that there is. I can only tell you I have intimacy with a number of people now and it feels as though my soul is finally being fed.

If you’ve ever struggled with getting close to somebody, I’m including the chapter I mentioned earlier in this blog. It’s yours for free. You can get it by clicking here.

Sometimes the solution to our frustration is a simple paradigm shift, a slightly different way to view life. I hope there’s a paradigm shift in this chapter for you.

Hoping this book helps us all get a little closer. So grateful.

Sincerely,

Donald Miller

P.S. If you’d like to pre-order the book, you can order it from Amazon or grab an autographed copy from Barnes & Noble. Make sure to visit www.scaryclose.com and enter your receipt number to get the audiobook of Blue Like Jazz for free. We will e-mail you a link right away so you can download it. You’ll also get a free soundtrack to the book with music from Ben Rector, Sleeping at Last, Jon Foreman from Switchfoot, Andrew Belle and a ton of other amazing artists. I just called them and asked them if they’d donate a song about getting “scary close” and they each sent something beautiful for you to listen to.

Why You Fear Intimacy is a post from: Storyline Blog