Living From our Squirrel Brain

I was recently troubled to learn I think like a squirrel.

A friend told me a story a while back about a squirrel he saw on the deck of his condo. He put a couple nuts out one day, and the squirrel came back the next day looking for more nuts. So he opened his sliding door, and placed a nut just inside. The squirrel studied the distance he'd have to run to get in and out of the house, then took the chance, grabbed the nut and escaped back to his tree. Each day my friend would bring the squirrel further inside the house, until, after a few weeks, he could feed the squirrel from his hand. Awesome story. Except for what happened next.

My friend decided to stop feeding the squirrel. And the squirrel went nuts. The squirrel put it's paws (whatever they are) on the glass door and shook it, chirping and squelching at my friend to let it in to get it's nut. My friend tried to scare it off, but the animal only hissed at my friend. My friend now hates squirrels. He thinks they are spoiled animals and essentially slightly cuter than rats, though less friendly and human like.

We each have squirrel brains and mostly operate from them. We feed our hunger, our sexual desires, our desires for sleep and so forth from our squirrel brains. But then we also have an executive brain which can overrule the squirrel brain. The executive brains helps us share with others, be patient, resist temptation and so forth. When our executive brain is weak, we become like animals.

If Apple computer puts a nut outside it's door, then puts another closer to the counter, then another right at the counter, then suddenly sells us something that doesn't work right, we turn into animals, putting our paws against the door, squealing. Or if Wendy's is out of frosties, or if church doesn't start on time, or if somebody disagrees with us and doesn't give us our intellectual nut. Rodents!

The real corrupt geniuses are the folks who feed the squirrels, the producers, the Glenn Becks and Rahm Emanuels, who doll out press releases to the masses, stirring up the squirrel rebellion to fight the other team, who is making us uncomfortable by squeezing our nuts.

It all makes me want to poop.

I don't want to think like a rodent anymore. I'll find my protein in the trees.