Incredible as It Seems

There is a magnet on my refrigerator that reads: ���Incredible as it seems, my life is based on a true story.��� I read it frequently, and if I think back over any length of time in my life, I realize how true it is.

I am not going to take you all the way back in this post. I am going to take you back over the past few years because this specific stretch of time marks the years I learned about what love is and what love isn���t. I have learned what it means to allow myself to be loved, as well as what it means to love a man completely. I experienced falling in love; I experienced being completely swept away by love. There is a vast difference, of course, between getting caught up in the right kind of love and getting caught up in the wrong kind, and I���ve done both recently.

Let���s go back to 2013. That year was a long year for me; it���s hard to believe that it only lasted 365 days. I decided to write for publication for the first time. Towards the end of that year, I was not in a great space. That year brought with it, a fair amount of heartache. Although that part of my story isn���t relevant to this post, I believe it���s worth mentioning. Simply stated, I wasn���t in the position emotionally to make the decision I was about to make a few short months into the next year. That brings us to early 2014���

I was dating someone who was wrong for me in every way, and I knew it. I knew that our lifestyles weren���t compatible, but I wanted it to work. I didn���t realize that at the time, taking care of my then eight-year-old and I was really all that I could handle. We were just finding our footing again. We were just starting to fall into a comfortable routine. Against my better judgment, I did what many of us do; I tried to force a square peg into a round hole. I settled. Early in 2014 two big events took place in my life. I published my first novel, and I got engaged.

Engaged. It was an event that I was certain wouldn���t happen again in my life. I had decided that being single was a good place for me. I did better as a single person. I was a better mom, a better producer, I found more peace solo than I had ever found in a relationship. I convinced myself that I wasn���t good relationship material ��� I didn���t have what it took to commit to a long-term endeavor with a man. Attempting to navigate the dating landmine never seemed to work out well for me. I was perfectly content chalking it up to the fact that I was too independent and selfish to share my time with a man. But, I did it ��� I said yes. I said yes to a man who was not a fit for me. You can guess the outcome; it was a disaster for all parties involved. The engagement didn���t last long. I made the decision to end that relationship in about the same amount of time that it took to start it. The aftermath was difficult to navigate as well, I left that failed relationship disappointed in myself and confused as to why a smart girl would make such a dumb move. I beat myself up, I was embarrassed and walked right into a space that was destructive to everything in my life that I loved. All my passions took a back seat for a few months, all but one. I continued to write.

In early 2014, I began working on a non-fiction project. I didn���t know then that the project would not only keep me sane through that failed relationship, but also change my life in ways that it needed to change. I was all caught up in feeling like a failure and wallowing in self-pity. I was also interviewing people who had every reason to be in that space but instead, they were out there doing things, moving on with their lives, moving forward with purpose, intentionally. It was a gift that they, those men and women who sat and shared their stories with me, will never know they gave. It was the fuel I needed to change my attitude. And my attitude did begin to change; everything began to change.

The first day that I visited Freedom Station I, by chance, ran into a man who is now part of my story. I went to Freedom Station that day to meet the director and talk with her about donating a portion of the proceeds of a fiction book that I was writing to her organization. I spent a better part of the day at the facility, and before I left, I made two commitments. I committed to donating a portion of Second Sight, but also to write a book just for Freedom Station. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

I can remember that day so clearly, everything about it ��� all I saw and learned and mostly all the things that I felt. When I arrived at the facility, I waited outside of a locked gate to the entryway, trying to reach the director by phone. As I stood outside the gate, I watched as a car pulled up in front and parked. The car had purple heart plates, and I assumed it was one of the men who resided at Freedom Station. I tried to be discreet while taking in the sight of him getting out of his car and walking to the gate. He seemed oblivious to the fact that I was standing there waiting to enter. I was so fascinated with my view that I didn���t say anything ��� I just stood there, speechless and in awe of the man before me. He used a code to open the gate and entered the facility. I looked away and tried to call the director again. Within a few minutes, the director called me and said she would send one of her ���warriors��� down to let me in. Who do you think she sent? Yes, it was him. He came back down to the front gate but this time he wasn���t walking on his prosthetic legs, he was in his chair. As the gate opened he, asked, ���Why didn���t you tell me you were waiting to get in?���

���I didn���t want to bother you,��� I replied.

���It was a bigger bother to come back down here and let your ass in,��� he responded and then turned and rolled back to his cottage.

That was my first introduction to Toran.

Fast-forward several months and a few more encounters with Toran. I became involved with Freedom Station and attended many events, a few that he also attended. He seemed guarded and didn���t pay much attention to me. I still felt like an ass ��� first impressions are important, and I assumed he hadn���t forgotten our first meeting. Those months were spent figuring out the Freedom Station book, and it morphed into something much bigger than originally intended. At some point, the decision was made to interview some of Freedom Station���s success stories. I was going to spend time interviewing some of the Warriors and including their stories in the book. Toran was one of the ones chosen. I suppose the truest sentence to write here, is that I was the one chosen.

I was nervous when it came time to interview Toran. I remember driving to Freedom Station that evening like it was yesterday. When I arrived at his cottage, I was instantly aware of our connection ��� it was immediate, and it was powerful. This interview was much different than the others. I felt like I had known him my whole life. After a few minutes of shallow chatter, I turned on my recorder, and we got started. Early into the interview, he said something that will stay with me forever. It struck me like arrow piercing my soul; it woke me up from the complacency I had adopted.

���I do this because some woman, somewhere might pick up an article or a book and read this, and she might be at the end of her rope. Maybe she will read this and think her life isn���t so bad. Maybe she will read this and know she can go on, too.���

Maybe it was because he referenced a ���woman��� or maybe it was just what I needed to hear at the time. Maybe he referenced a woman because he was talking to me, and I am a woman ��� I don���t know. What I do know is that I left with a different mindset than when I arrived. His story is undoubtedly an amazing one, but it was more than his story that affected me that evening. It was everything about him. It was everything about us. It was an awakening for me ��� one that I needed and at the very moment that I needed it most. It was a breath of fresh air. It was a kiss at the very core of my being. It was everything and nothing all at the same time. It was the most magical moment of my life. It changed me. He changed me. Knowing him changes me every day. And so began our journey.

The next few months are a blur. A lot changed in my life, in fact, just about everything in my life changed. The more time I spent with Toran, the stronger our bond became. I knew he was my forever; I just didn���t know how we would get there. The process by which that happened – is still happening – has been enlightening, frightening and challenging. Most of all it has shown me a strength of the human spirit that I didn���t know existed. It has shown me a side of myself that I didn���t know I had, and it has shown me what real, true, raw love looks like, and how it feels. It’s easy to be loving, happy and grateful when life is good, when all is well, and when nothing is broken. To feel and express those emotions while daily life is a struggle ��� well, that is a feat that many are never able to pull off. I consider myself unbelievably lucky to walk through Toran���s days with him. To see him at his best and his worst – to watch all of the in-between. For myself and those in my close circle to be able to witness what his daily life consists of, and how beautifully he pulls it off, is a gift that I wish more people could experience. Every day brings new experiences, and every morning I pinch myself ��� I can���t believe this is my life. I can���t believe I get to do this every day ��� I get to be in the presence of a man who shines such a bright light. It is surreal most days. I keep expecting to wake up and go through a regular day ��� a day of nothing particularly eventful ��� you know, just an average day. As far as I can tell there is no such thing as an average day with Toran. Every day is a crazy mix of adding to my gray hair and having my heart beat so fast and hard that I think it might burst. This is what love is supposed to be. How did I get to be the one? I ask myself this question, too. I have quit trying to answer it though. I don���t care why or how anymore; I am just thankful to be here.

Here we are at today, and today is an awesome day. I spout a lot of quotes. Some days I feel like I don’t recite anything original. The quote, which sums up my time with Toran, is one of my favorites.

���Just when you think it can���t get any better, it can.���

This past weekend, Toran made the next step in our forever happen when he asked me to marry him. My last name will be changing, and he did it in true Toran fashion ��� he did it big. I���m not going to share that whole story here because it deserves a post all its own. The day resembled a best-seller turned movie screen love story, I think Nicholas Sparks might have competition. I am not a fan of chick-flick’s, but I will admit, it was magical and sappy with a sprinkle of Hallmark. I loved every second of it. I have never been happier. I have never felt so loved, cared for and cherished. I finally know what true love is, and I know with him, this is just the beginning.

Incredible as it seems, my life is based on a true story.

And, oh, what a story it is!

Happy writing,

RJ

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