The Joy of Getting Older

This is a bit of a belated post, but I celebrated my 39th birthday this past summer. Unlike many, I actually like getting older. With age has come emotional stability, the resources to make ideas happen, and what I hope has been a great deal of wisdom. I also feel better than I did ten years ago. I'm not sure why, but I do. I don't drink much and I used to smoke sometimes when I wrote and it's been years since I've done that. I don't eat much better but I go on long walks by the river with Goose and this habit alone I think has added to my happiness.

I overheard somebody the other day talking about traveling to "find their soul" which I suppose could mean any number of things, from finding out who they really are, to figuring out what they are going to do with their lives. But when I heard it, I was thankful, because I'm not trying to find my soul anymore. I'm honestly not trying to find much of anything I lack anymore. And I say that in the face of not having gotten so many of the things I thought I needed. I found my soul. I'm not sure where, but I found it and it feels very complete. I'm not very afraid of death anymore (don't try to run me down with your car to see if I flinch, because I will) because I know that what we all really want is on the other side of this collective experience we are all having. But my soul is fine. It might be Jesus, I don't know, because when I attend church the sermons are usually addressing and prescribing for a common lack that I don't identify with, I think it might just be that I've gotten older, and my brain chemistry has changed, and I just decided to be grateful for the things I've been given, which have been a lot.

All that to say, getting older isn't all that bad. Although yesterday we had a hotel near a mall and I went over for lunch and then walked to get some exercise along with the senior citizens and was unpleasantly surprised at how much I preferred it to the gym. When I turn 40 I am going to get an indoor scooter with a basket on the front.

I wish I could go back and talk to myself when I was twenty. I'd say to myself "listen, don't worry about the things you've been worrying about. Everything is going to work out great." And I'd likely clarify with myself that "In the future I get everything I need?" And I'd say back to myself "No, you just realize you didn't need it. And that's even better."