Using Your Words to Build and to Bless {& Book Giveaway}
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?
There is more hope for a fool than for him. (Proverbs 29:20).
My family calls me the gap filler.
I’m not sure I’m too keen on that nickname, but I guess I earned it fair and square.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved to talk.
“Karen is a delightful student,” my teacher exclaimed as she visited with my mother during those parent-teacher powwows. “But she does seem to have a tad bit of trouble listening. Especially when I am talking.” I just couldn’t seem to keep my little jaws from flapping. I simply had to add my two cents’ worth. Whenever there was a gap of silence in the teacher’s speech or another student’s comment, you could count on me to fill in the gap. (And I’m sure, in my defense, I felt that what I had to say was way more interesting than whomever else was talking at the time, including my instructor!)
It always bummed me out when my teacher reported that I didn’t listen so well and that I talked too much. But it didn’t bother me enough to motivate a change in my behavior.
I liked filling those gaps.
And, to tell the truth, I still do.
When a group of people is chatting and there is even a small lull in the conversation, if I am not intentional about reining in my tongue, I will rush right in to fill that gap and fill it good.
Now … my husband says my ability to talk is what first attracted him. He loved how I could work a room, making the shy ones feel included. I could converse with the college president and yuck it up with the grocery store bag boy all in the same afternoon.
Yep. My college sweetheart loved how I could talk. So this rather shy guy bought a ring, slipped it on my finger, grabbed my hand, and off we proceeded down the church aisle and into marital bliss. My proficiency at all things linguistic hadn’t bothered him before. In fact, he felt it was an asset. I talked and talked. He smiled and listened. And it really didn’t seem to bother him.
Then, about three days into our honeymoon, he had this thought: “When is she evergonna shut up?” In fact, if I make it to heaven before he does, he’s decided just what should go on my tombstone:
A period.
Ask him why and he’ll declare, “Well, she’ll finally be done yakking!” (He insists my language has no periods, just commas, colons, and semi-colons because there’s always more to come!)
Pause Before You Pipe Up
In a group Bible study or a visit with friends over coffee, I can easily monopolize the conversation. And, in the early days, I didn’t even know it was happening. I just assumed everyone was as dazzled by my words as I was.
I’m not sure how I was first enlightened, but I soon came to discover that often when I was talking, other people in the room were mentally checking out. Or I noticed there were other women in the Bible study or the playgroup who never seemed to give their two cents’ worth.
I just couldn’t figure this out. Didn’t they have anything to say? Didn’t they have something to add to the discussion?
Eventually, I came to realize that perhaps the problem wasn’t with the other people in the group. Gulp. Maybe I was too ready to jump in the minute there was a gap in the conversation. Maybe the other folks needed a pause or two for their thoughts to gel before they could speak them. And maybe, just maybe, if some of us who talk too much would actually zip our lips a minute then these people could have an opportunity to speak up more often.
I knew that things were going to have to change for me if I wanted to use my words well and shed my habit of gap-filling.
In fact, over the years I have given myself a few tools to help in this endeavor.
First — a little rule of thumb (or rule of tongue, perhaps). I only chime in, or respond to the question thrown out by the study leader, about every third time I think I have something to say. And you know what? It comes out just about right, and no one seems to suffer from not hearing the nuggets I withhold.
This practice also works–pause before you pipe up. It works in a group. It also works one-on-one. When the person with whom you are chatting takes a break in their speech, it doesn’t always mean they have finished their thought. They may still be composing the next sentence in their mind. When we take their pause as a green light that it’s our turn to talk, we may actually be interrupting instead. No, not in a rude way–interjecting mid-sentence–but by butting in before they’ve finished their thoughts. Pausing for a bit before we pipe up can help us be both courteous and understanding.
A person who seeks not only to listen but to understand as well is rare — a treasure. And rare treasures are not only hard to find. They are priceless.
We can become such a valuable in the life of those around us when we make listening and understanding our aim.
~ Karen Ehman, author of KEEP IT SHUT: What to Say, How to Say It and When to Say Nothing at All,
Karen is a Proverbs 31 Ministries author and speaker, as well as a writer for Encouragement For Today, their online devotions that reach over one million women daily. She has authored eight books including the popular LET. IT. GO: How to Stop Running the Show & Start Walking in Faith and her new release KEEP IT SHUT: What to Say, How to Say It and When to Say Nothing at All, both which include a companion DVD Bible study series.
She has been married for over a quarter-century to her college sweetheart Todd and together they raise their three sometimes quarrelsome but mostly charming children in the boondocks of central Michigan. There she enjoys antique hunting, farm market strolling, and processing life with family, friends, and the many teens that gather around her kitchen island for a taste of Mama Karen’s cooking.
You can connect with Karen at karenehman.com where she helps women to live their priorities and love their lives.
(This post may contain affiliate links. Read my full disclosure.)
The Book
Got words? Oh yeah, you do! The average women speaks over 20,000 a day—not to mention the ones she types online. Karen Ehman — a woman whose words have often landed her in a heap of trouble — shares from experience the how’s (and how-not-to’s) of dealing with the tongue in her new book Keep It Shut.
Using biblical examples, as well as Karen’s own personal (and sometimes painful!) stories, Keep It Shut will equip you to know what to say, how best to say it, and when you’d better just keep your lips zipped!
This book will teach you:
The difference between gossip and properly processing with a trusted friend
A helpful grid for using our digital tongues as we talk online or on social media
How to pause before you pounce, attacking the problem but not the person
How to avoid saying something permanently painful just because you are temporarily ticked off
What the Bible teaches about making our speech laced with grace, as sweet as honey, and yet seasoned with salt
Also available is a six-week DVD Bible study designed for group or individual use.
Available for purchase by clicking below:
Keep It Shut: What to Say, How to Say It, and When to Say Nothing at All
A Book Giveaway
Now I’m delighted to be able to offer a copy of Karen’s new book, Keep It Shut! You can enter as many ways as you’d like below….
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The post Using Your Words to Build and to Bless {& Book Giveaway} appeared first on Club 31 Women.
