Already Bizarre

Things I’ve heard lately:

“Don’t go on OKCupid anymore, honey. They’re not okay there.”

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“No one can be perfect, Mum.”

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“I’m not smart. I’m intelligent.”

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“Pretty sure my recent internet searches have landed me on some lists…”

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“Make it the micro stripper glitter.”

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“I let them out, but they refused to pee. Further bulletins as events warrant.”

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“It’s a cookie. It can fix anything. Especially with tea.”

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“No, I’m not letting you out. It’s dark out there.” (Said quietly to cat, who immediately runs away from the back door as if hounds are after her.)

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“Are you kidding? In prehistoric times I’d be a GOD. Just look at these teeth!”

…yeah, the week has already been bizarre, and looks like it’s not going to even out anytime soon. Go big or go home, Thursday.