My anxious car

The car my generous brother gave to us really wants us to be safe when we drive. It really wants us to buckle up. If we don't put on those seatbelts right away, it beeps at us. And if we start rolling without seatbelts fastened, its blood pressure rises, its seatbelt light flashes, and its beeps become frantic.

But the poor thing can't tell the difference between a human in the seat and a 20-pound bag of Goya rice, as I discovered.

Now look: if someone of a mere 20 pounds were sitting in the f...