The Leek Incident

Obviously, she was standing there in the vegetable aisle at the time. She had her hand on my courgette, so I was paying her the utmost attention, especially as my fish fingers were beginning to defrost.

���Do you know,��� she said, ���about the erotic power of leeks?���

We were in a Welsh supermarket, so all I could do was agree. After all, disparagement of the leek is still a capital offence in Wales, especially during the rugby season.

She looked down to see my fish fingers wilting in my basket. ���That is, if you are interested?��� She put down my courgette and strolled over to the leeks. She picked up a large thick one and stroked it suggestively.

I swallowed and ran back to the freezer section and deposited the now rather limp box of fish fingers amongst the other formerly-aquatic digits.

I dashed back to the vegetable aisle, but – of course – she had gone.

Or, at least that was what I thought.

I was back at the meat aisle, eyeing the steaks when a warm hand touched my arm.

���Steak, so much better for a man to eat, much better than fish fingers.��� Her fingers ran up my arm. She leant towards me. ���I have changed my mind about the leeks,��� she said, her Welsh accent making me think of sticks of seaside rock standing proud.

I nodded. ���Young Welsh lamb would be better.��� I turned to her and she smiled.

���I could do with someone like you to help me with my shopping, putting it in my car���.��� She licked her lips with a slow tongue. ���You could help me put it into my cupboard.��� Her hand stroked down her own thigh. ���My cupboard is bare.���

I gulped. ���I���d like that.���

���My hero,��� she said. ���Helping a damsel in distress.��� Her hand stroked down my chest, my stomach. ���You may not have shining armour. But I can see you have brought your lance.���

I took a step closer to her.

���Mmmm,��� she whispered, her lips almost touching mine. ���It makes those leeks look a bit limp.��� She looked up into my eyes. ���But it is always the same, don���t you think? Supermarket vegetables are not as fresh as firm, as vigorous as those brought fresh, are they?��� Her hand was now down between us. She squeezed, and I knew then what those leeks had felt when she���d caressed them back in the vegetable aisle.

She looked down into her empty trolley, then to my empty basket.

���I think I���ve done enough shopping today���.��� She squeezed me again. ���Don���t you?

I put my empty basket inside her empty trolley. ���Yes,��� I said.

���Come on, then, she squeezed again, leading me to the exit. ���Come and put this in my cupboard for me.���