amazon purchases, action figures, and chris evans’ ass.

I wonder if there’s someone at Amazon who has the job of looking at people’s recent orders and just keep their eyebrow raised at the combination of shit people buy.

People like me.

My last three purchases from Amazon have been a cordless phone, a pair of over-the-knee red faux letter boots, and a Jane Austen action figure.

I have reasons for each item, but even I’m like, “the fuck, Crystal?”

The cordless phone is for work. If I hadn’t bought it off the internet, I would have sworn it was 1998 all...