Answering the Inevitable Questions

"So, what's your book about?"

It's a perfectly reasonable question, of course. So why are most novelists stumped by it? I know I always am. I tweeted about this conundrum and the response I got from other writers was, "I know, right?"

The problem is that we have so much to say about our own work that we never know where to begin. We certainly don't know where to stop.

I wrote an entire blog about the primary overarching symbolism in Dicing Time for Gladness, as well as an entire second blog about recurring themes within the narrative, so clearly I can (and do) prattle on endlessly about it. But a rambling, self-indulgent monologue about your big ideas is not what your friend is looking for.

Neither is a plot synopsis. Listening to someone summarize a storyline is almost as boring as listening to someone recall a weird dream they had last night.

You might be tempted to recite the blurb from the back cover, but unless you do it ironically using a Hollywood voice-over delivery, it will just sound silly. Actually, it will sound silly anyway, but if you do it that way at least it might be slightly funny.

What's the solution? HAVE AN ANSWER READY.

Your answer should be no more than a sentence long. It should consist of two elements:

(1) The genre

(2) The premise

That's all they're looking for here. Chances are, they were just making polite conversation anyway.

Example:

"So, what's your book about?"

"It's a cyberpunk romance set in a dystopian future, centered around a teenage pastry chef with a robotic arm who falls in love with a girl who has inherited a magic whisk, and together they use it to overthrow the government."

Don't try to unpack all the layers of meaning and the nuances of the character arcs. Now is not the time for that. (When Terry Gross is interviewing you on "Fresh Air," that will be the time.) Remember, this stranger at the bar is just making small talk.

"Awesome! Where can I get a copy?"

First of all, suppress your impulse to say, "are you not familiar with how to use Amazon? Type in the title and/or author (me) and you will find it in under ten seconds. It's not brain surgery, dumbass."

Whoa, there! Lose the attitude, Angsty Author. I know you're living in a world of shattered dreams and you spend a lot of time crying alone in the dark (we all do), but that is not this person's fault. This person is probably just being nice. Therefore, be rightfully flattered by the question and reply with a smile that conceals your inner suffering and rage. "It's available on Amazon in print and e-reader editions. Just enter my name, Brianne Torchwood Hufflepuff, and it will take you to my author page. All my novels are there, along with free previews." (You do have an Amazon author page, don't you? Of course you do.)

An even better way to handle this is to offer the person one of the business cards you have handy while making the statement above.

Unfortunately, instead of the previous question, the person might ask this alternate version:

"Awesome! Can I have a copy?"

Instead of getting pissy and explaining that you are trying to make a living here, dammit, and pointing out how rude it would be to casually ask for a free haircut or a free massage, simply respond with the exact same answer you would have given if the person had asked where to buy it. If the person persists in pestering you for a free one, just say you're all out. (I once had a random person challenge me on this, saying, "don't you get a bunch of free copies?" I explained that, darn the luck, I had just handed out my very last book at a signing a couple of days earlier. Conveniently, this was true.)

Then there is this:

"Is it a best-seller?"

You have several options here.

(A) "It's my best-seller so far!" Bonus points if it's true. Double bonus points if it's your only book.
(B) "No, the world isn't ready for my genius. But it will be required reading in high school 100 years from now."
(C) "Yes. Do you not recognize me from television?"
(D) Sobbing and binge drinking.

And my personal favorite:

"Are they going to make it into a movie?"

This is when you know you are wasting your time talking to this person, so you can use my standard response. "They already did. But they made a few changes to the story, and re-named it The Hunger Games."