2015 is going to be a make or break year in my life. I’m...

2015 is going to be a make or break year in my life. I’m 52 years old & I’m still evolving personally and creatively, and I need to accept that evolution is intertwined. 

I’m into my latest book, but haunted daily by the best script idea I’ve had since The Butcher Bride. I sent a couple of hours today continuing to flesh the idea out for CAGES. Part of me wishes I could find a talented screenwriter to write it, but I know either I do it or it doesn’t get written. I R-E-A-L-L-Y want to make movies but the Land of Lincoln is so fucking far from Hollywood on so many levels, the thought is overwhelming. I’m gonna have to come to grips with the fact that if I’m ever going to become a filmmaker, I’m going to have to create my own world from scratch. So crazy, but perhaps exactly the adventure I really need to survive Midwestern living. And that’s why my life feels like its been on a tetter totter for the past year. As much as I want to make it happen, deep down I don’t believe I can. 

My head and heart aren’t at war. They just have no anchor.