Don't Dream It's Over

In the world of arts and letters he had developed numerous friendships with people who succumbed quite naturally to the charm and certainty of his manner, the elevation of his spirit and the gentleness of his heart.
-Edmund de Waal
THE HARE WITH THE AMBER EYES

January 4, 2015Notes written by ‘me’ in January 1989…

I came across an old postcard/letter from Johnny that he wrote me in 1987 of the Santa Ana/Anaheim area.   I love the postcard because it epitomizes the image of ‘me’ and my bike (or how I wish it to be on a beach somewhere in Southern California or Hawaii).   Johnny will be visiting Northern California later this month with a couple of his friends.   I’m sure to see him.   On this card titled COOL DOWN is a photo of a bicyclist on the beach.   Johnny wrote:
March 9, 1987 Hi Mike—

Is this how you COOL DOWN after a long bike ride?   Looks like bike riding weather is almost here, eh?   We had two days in the 80’s this week.   I’m going to learn to surf this year, so I plan to have a fun summer.  
I have been recording THE SWEATER SONG.   It is almost done.   And TIME TO TRY and BE YOU will be finished in about three weeks.   I’ll send a tape.  
I bought this card in a great restaurant in L.A. that I’ll have to take you to…hope that can be soon.   Until then…stay happy and all that.  Always, Johnny

In a week I will be in Hawaii.   I am happy that my coworker, Laverne, is going with me.   She’s an attractive African-American woman.  I wonder if when people see me with her they think that we’re fucking.   I know…that’s a heavy-duty thought but sometimes when I see a couple together I am quick to assume that they are literally together.   I know it’s not necessarily so.   I just wonder why people tend to jump to conclusions.   Two people who are laughing and carrying-on shows comradery of a special kind and it doesn’t necessarily mean they are sleeping together.
The nice thing about Laverne is that she will go her separate way ‘at times’ while in Hawaii.   I will do my own thing as well.   It’ll be nice.   We don’t have to be together every minute.   I wonder if I will meet anyone new.   I’m sure I will.   I always seem to meet new people in Hawaii.   I’ll know next week.  The New Year (1989) has begun and it will be as exciting as I choose to make it.
My elder coworker, Reed Campbell, cracks me up all of the time while at work.   He cracks ‘dirty jokes’ to me and it’s almost as if he’s flirting with me at times.   He married for the first time at age fifty-three and I sometimes wonder about his past during his twenties, thirties and forties.   He used to live in Los Angeles and worked at a Hotel and recalled parties by some major celebrities like Peter Lawford, etc.   He has plenty of stories.   What a character.   I received a cool postcard from Reed from Copenhagen.   His wife is a travel agent (and former Pacific Telephone employee).   He sent me a photo postcard of ‘The Little Mermaid’ statue.  He wrote these words and I received it at the office:
Hi Michael, …sending this to 101 Spear at Rincon Center in San Francisco since I don’t have your new address.

The Little Mermaid is just waiting for you to come and take her off the rocks and out of the cold.
Take Care, Reed. 
Of course my week is always more complete when I receive correspondence from Paloma.    Paloma loves to send me magazine clippings in her letters sometimes.  I love it because she learns of things about the USA  ‘in France’ that I never hear about while I’m here in the USA.   She made me laugh with a magazine clipping of a list of the TOP 20 eligible “wealthy” females in the world.  
Paloma wrote, “Not too bad, huh?   This is the list where you should find your future wife.”  She circled Alicia Kaplowitz (age 39) of Madrid, Spain as a likely potential for me.  She looks very attractive but I bit older than me.   I suppose she might like a younger man…who knows?   There’s another photo she included with Esther Koplowitz (age 41) who is also in Madrid, Spain.   Esther and Alicia are both wearing long white formal gowns.   I wish I was at that party.
Here are portions of what Paloma also wrote:…that movie from 1984 called AGAINST ALL ODDS…I haven’t seen it in a long time.   I think that’s the movie that makes me think the most about YOU.   I love the main song of that movie and the actor (Jeff Bridges).

My life is boring right now compared to yours.  You can tell me about new loves or jobs…nothing new in mine.   I’m not complaining.   It’s just that I have less interesting things to tell you.   I’m wondering what you are doing, so write me.  
I don’t think I know Natalie Cole.   Of course I would like another cassette tape of songs that you like.   I’ve got to make you one, too.
We don’t exactly know yet what we are going to do for our next vacation.   We kind of still are planning to go to New Orleans but also to some other places like Disneyland (for Jonathan)…maybe Houston (since it’s close to New Orleans) as I’d like to go to Texas to buy some boots.   Maybe on our way we’ll also stop for a night or two in New York.   I really don’t know yet.  In fact, everything ‘right now’ depends on my brother.   The last time my mom talked to him on the phone he talked about moving, so we still might have to change our plans.   I don’t know if we’ll go to California or not but I’ll let you know, of course.   I’m excited about going to the States again.  You can imagine that means something special for me….three years of my life (and pretty good ones).   Since I was sixteen--my only single years--(except in the States) I’ve pretty much always lived with a man.   I hope we won’t have to change our plans.  
I’ve just heard a song I like by Paul Young called “DON’T DREAM IT’S OVER”.   Do you know it? 
I’m trying to write but believe me it’s hard.  Jonathan is playing with a little friend and they come to talk to me all of the time.   Jonathan just came to ask me to go to his room to see the surprise for my birthday.   Don’t worry this time you didn’t forget it! (My Birthday is January the 3rd!)    They’ve been singing HAPPY BIRTHDAY for me and everything.   They are so funny.
The residence is quiet now.   Things are going better…one two months of work left and then we’re going to start our vacations.
Every time I see a soap-opera on TV I think about you.   I wonder how all these guys have been able to make it.   I can really picture you playing in one of these shows.    I guess it’s just a question of chance (luck)?    My English is really getting terrible.   I hope you can still understand me.   I’ll try to write again really soon…but WRITE ME!   I love your long letters.   When you tell me your feelings and what you do, who you see…everything.   I miss you. I love you, Paloma

And so…I have to ponder my feelings and keep track of what I do in Hawaii next week.   I know Paloma will want to know many of the details.
It was not desire, not that.   It was the cruel sense of unfinished aloneness that needed a silent woman folded in his arms.  Perhaps he could find her.   Perhaps he could even call her out to him:  or find some way in to her.   For the need was imperious.-D.H. Lawrence
Lady Chatterley’s Lover