14 things I learned in 2014
The new year is upon us, or will be shortly. Every year, I revisit what I’ve learned throughout the year with the hope that someone, somewhere might benefit from it…this year, however, unlike previous years, I’m putting it in list form to make it easier for future generations to catalogue the near-divine wisdom they might glean from my experiences. I know you’re literally foaming at the mouth with anticipation, so without further self-inflation, I shall now reveal what 2014 has taught me:
1. Your attitude makes you either a hot commodity or an undesirable paper weight.. No one likes a complainer. Everyone gravitates to someone that has a good attitude despite negative outside influences.
2. There are dreamers and doers. Be a doer. It’s great to have dreams, to aspire to something grander than what you have, but without action, dreams will stay dreams. Make a change. Go make your dreams a reality.
3. Slow down. There is something to be said about taking some time to slow down and survey the landscape. We’ve all been in that mindset, where things are happening and moving so quickly that you finally look up to catch your breathe, and years have slipped by without you noticing it. Catch those years before you lose them. Take a moment to exhale.
4. The grass looks greener, but maybe it’s fake.. My neighbor has the best looking lawn in the neighborhood. I was so jealous, being somewhat of a lawn junkie, myself. I was off of work one day and saw a service come to his house and spray his lawn. Insect repellant, I thought, but I went over anyway. Turns out it wasn’t insect repellent, it was green dye! Are you freaking kidding me?! He didn’t have some hidden landscaping secret, he had paint.
5. Be an ethical marvel. You have to live with yourself, you might as well do it without a guilt complex. No one knows your motives but you. Take a minute with that. That’s pretty cool. Do things that make you proud of yourself. Take some time to impress yourself, and only yourself. Keep that locked away. It belongs to you. Some people feel the need to let others know what great things they’ve done. But that is shallow and unfulfilling. You always know right from wrong. Do the right thing and you’ll feel better about yourself consciously and subconsciously. It leads to confidence and trust.
6. Secrets DO make friends. Keep secrets. I’m not talking about not telling the detectives who the murderer is. I’m talking about negative thoughts and feelings. There is no need to tell Martha her new hairstyle looks like a dodo’s nest. It will only hurt her feelings and strain your relationship. No need to reveal negative things to people that are of little consequence.
7. You are who you are. Put yourself out there without shame. I recently interviewed Ray. Ray was looking for a job because he failed as a full time novelist. He was open and honest about his desires and failures. I found that I was a little jealous of his ability to freely relay this information to me. He wasn’t ashamed of it and I imagine that he felt a sense of liberation. Imagine being able to honestly admit failure without being afraid of judgement. That would be nice. Or being able to honestly tell people your dreams and desires? Why do we feel the desire to keep these things hidden? Be who you are without fear of judgement. People will like you or they won’t. It’s their problem, not yours.
8. Patience and personal interaction is better than stuff. When you are on your death bed, I’ve always wondered (though I suspect I have an idea) what do you think about your life? Do you think about the televisions or the cars or the really nice house you have? Hell no. You think about the people in your life, and how they will remember you and what lasting impression you might have had on them. You think about them, how you’ll miss them and how they might miss you. Ultimately personal interaction is more important than material goods. In the end, it’s all just stuff, and you are not the sum of your stuff.
9. Hold yourself accountable. No one else will. Well, your boss might. But you are ultimately responsible for your own actions. I have known some people that are the victim in anything negative that ever happens to them. They were not the cause of it. It is the difference between things happening to them and things just happening. As a society, we are becoming less willing to take responsibility for ourselves. If I walk down a flight of stairs and slip on the roller skate someone left there, tumble down the stairs and break my leg, do I blame the skate? Do I blame the person that left the skate there? Or do I blame myself for not seeing the skate and failing to avoid it? Maybe all of it, but I’m willing to bet that most people don’t ever blame themselves for any part of it.
10. If you take a chance and fail, it’s better than never taking a chance and always wondering. Take the chance. Life is short. See where the rabbit hole leads. What’s the worse that could happen? You fail. Yep that’s it. Get over yourself and swallow that pride.
11. Fake it til you make it IS good advice. I read a story about a young lady who got promoted to be the dean of students at a top university that felt she wasn’t qualified to do the job. But she tried her best to do it anyway. She knew she was a fraud, and she felt that others saw her as one too. But she kept trying. She did the job even though she didn’t feel like she could ever fill the roll as the dean of students. One day she looked up from her desk and realized she had been faking it for three years, and she was getting good at the job. She was no longer faking it. She WAS the dean of students.
12. Walk away. There can be a time when the battle is not worth it, when defeat becomes more favorable than the anguish the fight will cause you. Walk away from it. I’m not saying to give up when things get a little tough, I’m just saying to assess the stress involved, the stakes, and make the healthy choice. There is no shame in walking away. Sometimes it’s the best choice.
13. Be selfish, but don’t be a dick about it. Give selflessly, but goodness gracious, take care of yourself from time to time too! You can’t give yourself to everyone all the time and not do something for yourself now and then. You deserve it. But let’s not go overboard and start ONLY thinking of yourself, okay?
14. Stop talking and listen. You’ll hear things that make a difference. People will want to be around you. So many people only stop talking to organize their thoughts long enough for another rant. Don’t compete for talking time. Listen.
As the sound of the fireworks outside begin to reach a crescendo towards midnight, I’m pretty humbled by what 2014 has taught me. I could call this the “Year Of Personal Enlightenment” and I wouldn’t be too far off. Maybe there is some truth in the saying ‘older and wiser’ after all. I never would have thought so only a few years ago…
Happy new year, everyone.
Written by
Bill C. Castengera
Author of Shift!
Purchase Shift! on Amazon!
