My First List of New Year Resolutions In Over 20 Years

Normally I don't make New Year's Resolutions.  Part of the reason is pure laziness.  Part of the reason is that I don't want to feel like a failure when I don't reach my goals.  But mostly, if I've not held accountable for something, I rarely do it.  A terrible attitude to have - absolutely.  So this year, not only am I making a list, I'm sharing it with all of you so in some respects, I feel accountable for my resolutions.  So here goes:

1.  Finish my crime fiction book:  This should be easy but I don't think I've worked on it since September.  I think about the plot every day but when it comes to actually sitting down and typing the story, I end up working on something else.  So I decided that every Wednesday in 2015, I will devote to my writing.  Unless an emergency comes up, of course.

2.  Stop feeling guilty when I go out:  I never go anywhere.  Seriously.  I just traded in my old Equinox for a new one and the salesman was shocked that in three years, I only put about 20,000 miles on my car.  I think his exact words were, "You need to get out more."  I was offended because I agree.  It's a huge guilt trip I put on myself because I feel that because I'm the only parent in Madelyne's life, then she's my responsibility 24/7.  You know what I realized?  That's ridiculous.  Married parents have date nights, so why can't I?  Which brings me to my next resolution:

3.  Ready to date:  When I first filed for divorce, I was in manic mode.  I needed to date someone to feel worthy and attractive again.  Then I realized that I was still a little fucked up from my marriage and needed to find myself first.  It's almost been 4 years since I filed for divorce and I finally feel ready to meet someone.  I want to have fun dating again and meeting new people.  A friend of mine said to me 4 years ago that I would know when I was ready.  He was right.  (Thanks Mike.)  Not that I'm going to join 800 online sites or go clubbing every weekend; I'm just open to the idea.  If I meet someone great!  If I don't, that's okay too.  At least I'm finally ready.

4.  Living with my parents:  My goal when I moved in with my parents was to be out of their house within 2 years.  In about 3 weeks, we are all moving to a new house with 2,000 square feet more space.  I seriously had a breakdown when my parents bought the house because I felt trapped.  Now, I've accepted my situation and embraced it 100%.  It's the best situation for Madelyne and myself.  I'm starting to travel for my career, I never have to find a babysitter in case of an emergency and I think my Dad might have a breakdown if we moved out - not because of me, but because of Madelyne.  And if you want to think I'm lazy let me point out this scenario for you - my OBGYN has her own practice, drives a Porsche Cayenne and lives with her parents.  She moved in with them after her divorce and still lives with them with no plans of moving out.  Enough said.

5.  Let It Go:  Love the song but this isn't about Frozen.  I need to let things go.  Simple as that.  You know what I learned about grudges?  I learned that the person I'm holding a grudge against is still taking up too much of my time if I'm expending the energy to hold a grudge.  Grudges are for kids in high school.  Adults talk their problems out and work on a solution.  I'm done enough arguing in my lifetime.  I have years of arguing to go with Madelyne - especially the teenage years.  Everything else, it's time to let it go.

6.  Remember I'm beautiful:  If that sounds vain, oh well.  I had a great body before pregnancy.  After pregnancy, nothing is the same.  I have stretch marks and a lovely C-section pooch.  And when I gain weight, it all seems to go directly to that pooch.  I asked my OBGYN about it and she said that without medical intervention (aka a tummy tuck) it's going to be there.  However, not everything can be blamed on my pooch.  After 36 years on this earth, I'm tired of eating junk.  Don't get me wrong, the occasional sweet or chips will always be a must-have, but it's time to clean up my act.  I have a gym membership and I don't think I've used it since last summer.  It's time for me to eat healthier and exercise even if it's a quick 20 minute walk.  I always feel better when I eat healthy and exercise.  It's really hard for me to stick to a diet so I'm not calling it a diet.  I'm calling it a life change.  I don't expect to whittle down to a size 4 again (back when I was 22) nor do I want to.  I like my curves.  They make me feel like a woman.  I don't care about weight, BMI, or clothes size.  I just want to physically feel good.  

I think this list is a pretty good place to start.  What do you think?  :)

Happy New Year Everyone!
Meg xoxo

Check out my memoir:  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=megan+cyrulewski