The Wind of Change
During 2014 I tried a new recipe. I pulled out a rather large mixing bowl and tossed many spicy ingredients into the concoction. Jalapeño peppers, Louisiana hot sauce, red hot candies and a pinch of cocoa to name a few. I stirred and then folded some honey into who I was before, positioned it on a medium flame and then presented the “new and improved” version to the many guests I had invited to my table through Amazon.
I was told at the tail end of 2013 that it was likely that I had cancer. Cancer. If ever there was a “snap awake” sort of word to motivate a person that would have to be the one. After the white coat announced the horrible possibility, life swirled about in an immediate “reality check.” Even though the logical thing would be not to worry until worry was due, the human reaction is to consider what if.
That particular scare really helped me to understand the value of good health and what really matters. For one thing, I was struck by the true deception of time. In the back of my mind I always believed that I’d go for it tomorrow. The lollipop of procrastination was always a staple of my diet. I know I’ve mentioned the movement of the clock several times in my past blogs, but the tick-tock “after” became very strong for me. How much time did I have left? Was I up for the fight of my life to gain more? I thought about the past…all that time I had wasted…yes wasted just merely existing…should have, could have, but didn’t.
There are some huge questions that one asks surrounding life. I wondered how I fit into the larger scheme of things. Was the world a better place for my existence and did I ever really make a difference…at least once?
It became a personal “round and round” of many thoughts, feelings and emotions. The stress surrounding the cancer word is unimaginable. Cancer perpetuates change. Not only would there be a fight against a villain that has taken residence within the body but a fight to earn more time while maintaining the integrity of spirit.
There were many positives too. I know that sounds a bit out there but yes, positives. It helped me to understand the many blessings in my life, the people who I hold as precious in my everyday, my extended family, my friends…the life that I had been given…and the great benefit of savoring the moment. It made me better appreciate the freezing of time through photographic magic…the wonders of taking a walk while being surrounded by nature. I was suddenly noticing the details. The dew at first light kissing a simple blade of grass, the gentle fog rising up off the lake…it had been there all along, but I had slept through it for most of my life. I listened with a greater appreciation to the richness of music too, applauded the many talents of others, joined in the laughter and cherished on an entirely deeper level the greatest gift of all, love…
I felt so much, as if someone had finally jumpstarted my heart. Yes, I told many people that I loved them and just what they meant to me. Words that had escaped me in the past…I embraced tears, pain, joy and the simple things. I abandoned the anger of others…yep, packed it up and set it on the curb for the garbage man to haul away. “Keep it,” I’d say to myself if someone used me as a verbal punching bag… “That negative energy is yours to carry, not mine.”
I realized that I needed to forgive myself, to forgive those who had hurt me in the past…but I also gained some perspective on how important it was to filter out people who had been draining me emotionally…using me in a way that taxed my spirit. Sure I’d still listen and offer friendship, but with some reasonable limits.
The word cancer thrown into my personal recipe was bitter at first, but the biggest sweet to come from it was when I decided I would finally place one of my stories on Amazon to see where it went. You see, it was a huge leap of faith for me. Truth or dare, it was the biggest dare of my life.
….and so I did. I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. At one point, for about three months, I was in the top 100 in sales. Not bad for a person who was just flying by the seat of her pants.
As it turned out, the biopsy revealed that I did NOT have cancer after all. While enduring six months of symptoms and a month or so between the test and the appointment to learn the results…well, during that time, with that dark cloud lingering overhead, I evolved because of the experience.
The wind of change had carried me through.
Yes, I kissed the ground when I returned home from the appointment to where the truth was revealed. I was thankful, but I also felt a deeper compassion for those who were not so fortunate. Having a doctor say the “c” word is an earthquake that all anyone can do is stand in a doorway at an in-between place and hope they land on the right side after their world stops shaking.
The good news after learning everything was okay is that I’m no longer set in believing that “someday” I’ll follow my dream; instead I better understand that today is all any of us have. So I write…to you, for me…I push submit, close my eyes and hope that my words land with a positive impact to make the day a bit brighter or to warm a heart or two. I feel that spinning tales is my true calling and so I must answer.
The new recipe I tried over the past year was surprisingly delicious…change always is. I raise my tea cup to the past and look forward to the New Year with the many possibilities it may bring! Happy 2015 everyone…be safe and while planning for tomorrow, remember to appreciate the wonders of living for today.
I was told at the tail end of 2013 that it was likely that I had cancer. Cancer. If ever there was a “snap awake” sort of word to motivate a person that would have to be the one. After the white coat announced the horrible possibility, life swirled about in an immediate “reality check.” Even though the logical thing would be not to worry until worry was due, the human reaction is to consider what if.
That particular scare really helped me to understand the value of good health and what really matters. For one thing, I was struck by the true deception of time. In the back of my mind I always believed that I’d go for it tomorrow. The lollipop of procrastination was always a staple of my diet. I know I’ve mentioned the movement of the clock several times in my past blogs, but the tick-tock “after” became very strong for me. How much time did I have left? Was I up for the fight of my life to gain more? I thought about the past…all that time I had wasted…yes wasted just merely existing…should have, could have, but didn’t.
There are some huge questions that one asks surrounding life. I wondered how I fit into the larger scheme of things. Was the world a better place for my existence and did I ever really make a difference…at least once?
It became a personal “round and round” of many thoughts, feelings and emotions. The stress surrounding the cancer word is unimaginable. Cancer perpetuates change. Not only would there be a fight against a villain that has taken residence within the body but a fight to earn more time while maintaining the integrity of spirit.
There were many positives too. I know that sounds a bit out there but yes, positives. It helped me to understand the many blessings in my life, the people who I hold as precious in my everyday, my extended family, my friends…the life that I had been given…and the great benefit of savoring the moment. It made me better appreciate the freezing of time through photographic magic…the wonders of taking a walk while being surrounded by nature. I was suddenly noticing the details. The dew at first light kissing a simple blade of grass, the gentle fog rising up off the lake…it had been there all along, but I had slept through it for most of my life. I listened with a greater appreciation to the richness of music too, applauded the many talents of others, joined in the laughter and cherished on an entirely deeper level the greatest gift of all, love…
I felt so much, as if someone had finally jumpstarted my heart. Yes, I told many people that I loved them and just what they meant to me. Words that had escaped me in the past…I embraced tears, pain, joy and the simple things. I abandoned the anger of others…yep, packed it up and set it on the curb for the garbage man to haul away. “Keep it,” I’d say to myself if someone used me as a verbal punching bag… “That negative energy is yours to carry, not mine.”
I realized that I needed to forgive myself, to forgive those who had hurt me in the past…but I also gained some perspective on how important it was to filter out people who had been draining me emotionally…using me in a way that taxed my spirit. Sure I’d still listen and offer friendship, but with some reasonable limits.
The word cancer thrown into my personal recipe was bitter at first, but the biggest sweet to come from it was when I decided I would finally place one of my stories on Amazon to see where it went. You see, it was a huge leap of faith for me. Truth or dare, it was the biggest dare of my life.
….and so I did. I must say I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. At one point, for about three months, I was in the top 100 in sales. Not bad for a person who was just flying by the seat of her pants.
As it turned out, the biopsy revealed that I did NOT have cancer after all. While enduring six months of symptoms and a month or so between the test and the appointment to learn the results…well, during that time, with that dark cloud lingering overhead, I evolved because of the experience.
The wind of change had carried me through.
Yes, I kissed the ground when I returned home from the appointment to where the truth was revealed. I was thankful, but I also felt a deeper compassion for those who were not so fortunate. Having a doctor say the “c” word is an earthquake that all anyone can do is stand in a doorway at an in-between place and hope they land on the right side after their world stops shaking.
The good news after learning everything was okay is that I’m no longer set in believing that “someday” I’ll follow my dream; instead I better understand that today is all any of us have. So I write…to you, for me…I push submit, close my eyes and hope that my words land with a positive impact to make the day a bit brighter or to warm a heart or two. I feel that spinning tales is my true calling and so I must answer.
The new recipe I tried over the past year was surprisingly delicious…change always is. I raise my tea cup to the past and look forward to the New Year with the many possibilities it may bring! Happy 2015 everyone…be safe and while planning for tomorrow, remember to appreciate the wonders of living for today.
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